"MAY I SPEAK WITH MIKE HUNT?"

When one works at a bar/restaurant I suppose that it is inevitable that you will eventually be on the receiving end of anonymous adolescent crank phone callers. Well, my workplace is currently weathering a barrage of such annoyances from some of the local urchins, several of whom may be the same punks who thought it was a good idea to smear ice cream all over our front windows.

The calls started a few days ago and are definitely perpetrated by kids in the neighborhood. At first they were merely content to torment my boss — who could have handled the little darlings a bit better — but now they call to ask "Can I fuck that big black homo at the bar?" Hey, at least someone finds me sexy.

Tonight one of our bartenders answered and at first the kids were thrown by a woman picking up the phone, but they eventually asked her if they had reached a sex line. The red-haired bar goddess politely inquired if the kids knew that their number was now on our phone and that she wondered what their mommy would think if she called back and asked to speak to her. That move killed the prank calls for the rest of the evening, but I know bored kids and I'm willing to bet that they'll give us a jingle soon. Everyone's a would-be Bart Simpson...