HALLOW-WEEN

So it's Halloween again, and I once more venture forth onto the unsuspecting streets of the Rotten Apple, looking like a loony. This time I wandered about in a Knights Who Say "Ni!" helmet from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, a cheesy plush helmet with bendable antlers that adds about two feet to my already six-foot frame, and I looked gloriously silly.

As expected I had to endure both kudos and brickbats from the general public, and here are the highlights of my brushes with the unwashed masses:

-A bible-thumping sista took umbrage with the obviously pagan bent of my outfit and told me in a shrill voice — accompanied by the dreaded neck roll that black women wield like whirling morningstar — "You KNOW your costume offends THE LAWD!!!"

-While eating lunch at the Manhattan Mall's Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips outlet, a sixty-something mentally-challenged man approached me and sweetly asked me if I was going to see Santa. I assured him that I was indeed on my way to the North Pole to see the big guy, hoping to get a job as a replacement reindeer in case one of the eight (nine if you count the red-nosed mutant) couldn't make it this year. I asked his name — which was Richie — and promised him that I'd put in a good word with Santa. He was delighted to hear that and thanked me profusely, while his caretaker mouthed a discrete "thank you."

-A guy was waiting to cross 4th Avenue in Brooklyn and when he saw me he asked if I was looking for a shrubbery.

-At Manhattan's Jim Hanley's Universe comic shop, two of my favorite staffers were attired as Will Eisner's the Spirit and Tony Stark with his Iron Man gear on under a suit jacket.

-I ran into and photographed two nubile you girls on St. Mark's place on the Lower east Side, both of whom rocked bustiers as naughty versions of Snow White and Red Riding Hood.

-A cute little toddler was dressed in a bonnet that made her look like Yoda, and her sheer cuteness was a joy to behold.

I'm going to skip the big NYC parade tonight since it's as crowded as the set of SOYLENT GREEN, but I will while away the hours with a stack of scary DVDs and luxuriate at home.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Y'ALL!!!