THIS YEAR'S HALLOWEEN CD MIX

Every year when Halloween rolls around I feel compelled to do a new collection of seasonally-appropriate tunes and foist it upon my friends and loved ones, and this year's VAULT OF BUNCHENESS MONSTER PARTY is one I'm rather proud of. The only guideline I give myself is that the CD must not include "The Monster Mash" since it's played out like a motherfucker and wasn't very funny in the first place. No joke, I was tired of it by the time I was eight and could live the rest of my life without hearing it again, but in staying power it's the Halloween answer to "Jingle Bells," so it ain't goin' nowhere. But that doesn't mean I have to include it on my own homemade Halloween party platter! The playlist for the whole disc is as follows:

HALLOWEEN-Misfits
MAD MONSTER PARTY-Ethel Ennis
HALLOWEEN (SHE GET SO MEAN)-Rob Zombie & The Ghastly Ones
THE HALLOWEEN DANCE-Reverend Horton Heat
TV SET-The Cramps
GRAVEYARD ROCK-Tarantula Ghoul
BANSHEE BEACH-The Ghastly Ones
THE GOON-Bleed
THE CURSE OF THE HEARSE-Terry Teene
BILLY'S DEAD-Deadbolt
THE SPIDER AND THE FLY-The Monocles
RETURN OF THE FLY-Misfits
AT THE HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN-Big Bee Kornegay
TEENAGE CREATURE-Lord Luther
SCREAMIN' BALL-The Duponts
WEREWOLF-The Frantics
I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF-The Cramps
WEREWOLF-Garry Warren
I'M THE WOLFMAN-Round Robin
NIGHTMARE-Scottie Stuart
IN THE NIGHT!-The Famous Monsters
MADHOUSE JUMP-The Daylighters
JEKYLL AND HYDE-Jim Burgett
WEREWOLF-Carl Bonafede
NIGHTMARE HOP-Earl Patterson
LITTLE DEMON-Screamin' Jay Hawkins
THE MUMMY-Maury Laws
TIL THE FOLLOWING NIGHT-Screaming Lord Sutch
THEME FROM YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN-The Madeira (an incredible, evocative surf version)
NO COSTUME, NO CANDY-The Swingin' Neckbreakers
GEINERS-"artist" unknown

That last track is a fantastically tasteless recording by some unknown joker from the 1950's, presumably during the country's wave of necrophila humor in the wake of the Ed Gein case, hence the term "Geiners." It's a southern-accented recitation of the following poetic brilliance:

I fucked an old gal by the graveyard.
God damn her poor soul, she was dead.
The maggots crawled out of her eyeholes
And the hair slid off of her head

When I'd finished my job there
I seen I'd committed a sin
And so from my pocket I pulled out a straw
And sucked out the load I'd shot in

Plus:

Here's to old Mag
That filthy old hag
That slippery, slimery slut
Green fungus grows between her toes
And the maggots crawl out of her butt
Before I'd climb those scaly legs
And bite those festered tits
I'd drunk a quart of buzzard puke
And die with the drizzling shits

It's poorly recorded, only forty-three seconds long, and included as the perfect "what the fuck?" finale for the disc. And if you can think of anything I may have missed, please write in with suggestions. I just remembered "Where They Wander" by Horrorpops, and that may get a last-minute inclusion...