OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!-VIRGINITY UP FOR AUCTION

"Natalie Dylan," a pendulously endowed lovely whose virginity can be yours (provided you've got the scratch).

By generally not paying attention to tabloid TV and the more trivial news items out there I somehow missed the ongoing story of one "Natalie Dylan," a 22-year-old who's put her virginity up for auction and has apparently received some seriously lucrative offers for said cherry. Personally, I think the whole thing is completely ludicrous for a number of reasons, and if the men who've placed these outrageous bids on her virginity really thought about it, they could lease a decent number of high-class call girls to take care of their priapic needs. But I guess this has nothing to do with simply paying for pussy, but rather the creepy thrill of buying someone's first sexual experience and thereby purchasing the egotistical stroke of having oneself be the guy who would always be remembered as the dude who got there first.

But what does "virginity" specifically mean in this case? Does Miss Dylan mean that she's never had any sexual experiences at all, or is she referring to vaginal penetration in particular? And is that's the case, does that mean such contact only with a man? How do we know that she's never had a wild toys-but-no-boys weekend with her favorite college girlfriend? And let us not forget the possibility of digital exploration that may have shown her in no uncertain terms exactly how to make her G-spot say "Hi there!!!" Virginity is a nebulous term/concept, so I would like to see the particulars of what's up for auction clearly and concisely explained for the would-be consumer.

And I also have to wonder about what it will be like in years to come to look back on such an experience and recall one's first sexual experience as one of prostitution. Admittedly lucrative prostitution, but prostitution nonetheless. And what if her first man is a washout in the sack, spurting his filthy gray population-paste onto her thigh? Or what if she herself is about as lively as a three-days-dead mackerel? This whole thing sounds like a colossal lose/lose situation to me, both in terms of her dismissal of her own first time as naught more than an act of commerce (it's her body and she can do with it as she sees fit, but it strikes me as rather sad) and the customer throwing away a huge shitload of cash for no good reason. Oh, well...

Anyway, here's the latest on this mishegoss from this morning's New York Post:

By LARRY SUTTON

Last updated: 3:24 am
January 13, 2009
Posted: 2:55 am
January 13, 2009

A 22-year-old woman's quest to auction off her virginity has snared hundreds of bidders, including one who says he'll pay $3.8 million to seal the deal - but only if he can tape the magic moment.

The woman, who goes by the pseudonym "Natalie Dylan," launched the campaign last fall through the Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Carson City, Nev. "I'm still getting offers, but I'm not necessarily taking the highest bidder," she said yesterday. She has not set a date to make a decision. Meanwhile, she's writing a book about the experience.

Among those offering to end her maiden days are "a lot of guys who write me and say, 'I'm a virgin, too,' " Dylan said. She also got a note from a zookeeper who offered to give her a tiger in exchange for her services.

Is she having any trouble maintaining her virginity in the meantime? "Hey, I've done it for 22 years," she said. "What's a few more months?"