MY LOYAL ARMY OF NIECES CONTINUES TO GROW

My loyal army of nieces added a new recruit three weeks ago when wee Lily Leona Murr entered the world following her extraction from her mother, Olivia, via McCullough chainsaw. The 19.5-inch, 6lbs. and 7oz. tyke was healthy as a horse and is presently being indoctrinated into the early teachings of my army's assassination skills at her home in Beacon, NY.

Wee Lily breaks out with her Nina Hagen imitation.

I have to get up there and check on her progress myself, and if she's ready I may just teach her the dreaded "Scalp Claw."

Delivery room nativity scene as Devo album cover: Proud papa Eddie poses with the new addition while valiant birthing-warrior Olivia cautions him not to conduct experiments that will turn the baby into a beer-drinking lemur. (NOTE: use of this photo was fully approved by the mother, so don't give me any shit!)