HAPPY 4th OF JULY, 'MURICA!!!

Dear Vaulties-

Another Independence Day has rolled around and once again we inundate ourselves with historical reenactments, baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, fireworks, and the waving of the ol' red, white, and blue. That's all well and good and I would like to contribute to the celebration in my own special way. You see, while the country pats itself on the back for its espoused principles of freedom, equality, and patriotism, I cannot help but think of how the majority of my ancestors were anything but free and equal when the Revolutionary War was won. I'm also reminded of the high cost of our relative freedom and entitled sense of American superiority, which, when closely examined — hell, even when not so closely examined — reveals us to be a culture of extremes. Of excess that's every bit as American as ultra-phallic Washington Monument, so this year's Vault of Buncheness tribute to the Independence Day wallows shamelessly in the gross, crass, over-blown, utterly tasteless and jingoistic aspects of this magnificent, mayonnaise-slathered fun sammich that is our fair nation. In other words...

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!!!