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Thursday, April 25, 2013

JEEBUS, PLEASE PROTECT ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS...

While checking my mailbox for an important piece of mail, I instead received a hand-written letter from one Susan Laurence, a Jehovah's Witness who wrote to alert me at length to outline how conditions today suck — thanks for the heads up — and would be vastly improved if Jesus Christ were in charge of the government. Her contact info was of course enclosed.

Perhaps contrary to what some would expect, I'm not going to bother with responding to Miss Laurence's missive. My response, no matter how eruditely phrased, would likely be perceived as a vitriolic attack from an "heathen" bully, so instead I opt to ignore it.

My stance on religion in general and aggressive Christianity in particular is well established, so I'll just let it suffice to say that I take considerable umbrage at being sent such material, no matter how presumably well-intentioned. I don't spend my time hand-crafting entreaties to lure you to the ways of comic books, punk rock, exploitation films, and pornography, and send them to your mailbox. Instead I write about such things on this blog, a forum that you have to actively choose to experience. For all I knew, "Susan Laurence" could have been either a married name now attached to a long-ago classmate or former girlfriend, or even someone writing to offer me work, so I opened the letter with genuine curiosity, only to be met with proselytizing yammerings.

Though I'm sure such junk mail is meant in all sincerity, I would like to politely suggest that those who feel it's a good idea to send this Mercyful Fate-loving cunnilingus and gay marriage advocate such material kindly fuck the hell off.

The most holy pussy: The only deity I will ever truly worship.

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