After finishing the day's errands, I suddenly came over all peckish, so I stopped off at the Atlantic Terminal's ultra-ghetto McDonald's for a double quarter-pounder with cheese (no onions) and a big Dr. Pepper. Upon receviing my order and fighting my way through the throng of families with wild, utterly out of control children, I found a solo seat near the window at the place's front, right next to a low wall where on the other side a vacant-looking twenty-something security guard — translation: "employed loiterer" — was stationed.
As I put my bags and food down and sorted myself out before sitting down to eat, I set down the book I am currently reading, the comprehensive THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF SLASHER MOVIES, on the table. It's cover caught the guard's eye and his face was split by a grin like that of the village idiot in medieval times, and he observed, "Tha's a nice book you got there." I acknowledged him with an affirmative and tried to settle in with my meal, but he leaned over the wall, practically leaning over into my face, and began reading the cover copy. "An A-Z Guide to More Than 60 Years of BLOOD AND GUTS! It's got all the blood and guts, hunh?" Imagining how stultifying hours upon hours in his job must be, I was patient with him and I answered, "It discusses pretty much every slasher movie you could think of but there are no pictures." With that, here's the exchange that followed, as he leaned even closer into my space:
Security: I bet it doesn't have A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!
Me: It's in here. If it's a major slasher movie from the past six decades and even earlier, it's in here.
Security: I bet HALLOWEEN ain't in there...
Me: It's in here. If it's a major slasher movie from the past six decades and even earlier, it's in here.
Security (completely oblivious to anything I'd said): Bet there ain't no FRIDAY THE 13th movies in there...
Me (clearly tired of the "conversation" and stressing the words I was repeating): It's. In. Here. If it's a major slasher movie from the past six decades and even earlier, it's in here.
Security: I bet PUMPKINHEAD ain't in there...
Me (finally obviously fed up): PUMPKINHEAD is a monster movie. It's not a slasher film, so no, it's not included.
The idiot was about to continue but halted when he saw me paying him no mind as I devoured my sandwich. He then returned to looking bored while surveying the mass of screaming kids whose parents were ignoring them.
