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Showing posts with label FLICK YOU. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FLICK YOU. Show all posts

Saturday, January 04, 2025

WICKED (2024)

Defying gravity.

I just finished watching WICKED (2024), and when "To Be Continued" flashed across the screen at the end, I said aloud "That was excellent."

I went into WICKED cold. I read the source novel when it came out — Mildred gave me the hardcover first edition for Christmas in 1995 — but I gave it a miss during its Broadway run, thanks to it being hyped to death, so I knew nothing of how the story would be handled when translated from the page, and the only songs from it that I had heard were "Popular" and "Defying Gravity," the latter of which I recall being partially heard in the commercial for the Broadway production. Now I regret missing the original production, because I love Idina Menzel — Hot Jewish chick alert!!! RRRROWR!!! — Kristin Chenoweth, but what's done is done. Anyway, the movie adaptation...I initially intended to give the film a miss until next year, when the second half is released, but I was granted the opportunity to watch it at home, so I took it.

Upon seeing a considerable amount of the promotional lead-up to the film's release, I was concerned that casting a Black actress in the role of Elphaba might be too on the nose, considering some of the plot's themes, but short of time-traveling back to 2003 and press-ganging Idina Menzel to the present, I could not have asked for a more perfect Elphaba than Cynthia Erivo. She was tremendous, simply tremendous in the role. She has an incredibly expressive face, and she can belt out a showstopper like nobody's business. She perfectly conveyed Elphaba's loneliness and anger, and arch villain though she is destined to become, I totally rooted for her from the moment of her birth. And do not get me started on "Defying Gravity." That song is a modern classic for a reason, and when she took to the skies during it, I felt the same thrill that hit me when Christopher Reeve's Superman swung into action for the helicopter rescue back in 1978. In short, Elphaba is in no uncertain terms completely fucking awesome — and I do mean AWESOME — and I will be there on opening weekend for the second half of this story.

My new favorite anti-hero.

Everything else about the film is superb across the board, and though I now regret missing the original Broadway production, I'm glad I waited for the movie, because no matter how much the stage design may have rocked live, I personally needed cinematic special effects to properly bring the vistas of the land of Oz to vivid believable life, and not make all of it look like, well, a stage musical. The realization of Oz and its denizens is terrific, and the voice casting of my man Peter Dinklage as Professor Dillamond was inspired. (When the character first spoke, a spark of recognition ignited in my brain, but it took maybe a minute before I twigged to it being The Dinklage.) I was initially leery of the casting of Ariana Grande as Galinda, but she sold the vapid rich and popular girl seemingly effortlessly. She made me hate the character instantly, and I only hated her just a tad less after Galinda and Elphaba became besties. But the real surprise was Jeff Goldblum as the Wizard. I have always enjoyed his work, but for what seems like close to thirty years he's pretty much played his roles with a quirky delivery a la Ian Malcolm in the JURASSIC PARK franchise, and frankly that schtick has worn out its welcome with me. (Though he does get a pass as the Collector in THOR: RAGNAROK.) And of course the always welcome Michelle Yeoh completely slew as the elegant Madame Morrible.

So, yeah, I loved WICKED, and it immediately joins my roster of favorite movie musicals. If they stick the landing with the second half, we're looking at a timeless classic. HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION.


                                                          Poster for the theatrical release.

Sunday, December 22, 2024

THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES (2018)

 The magic of Santa Claus.

Those of you who know me outside of the internet and social media are aware that I am famously a curmudgeon when it comes to all things Christmas. The holiday just brings me down for many reasons, most relating to family dysfunction and childhood trauma, with this past Christmas being my worst, most depressing Christmas ever. So it was with some trepidation that I watched Netflix's THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES (2018), solely to see what I heard was Kurt Russell as the best Santa Claus in movie history. Well, I just finished watching the film and I just have to come out and say it: THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES gets my sincere vote as the best, most fun Christmas movie ever made, and Kurt Russell is everything I ever wanted in a Santa Claus. 

Kurt Russell, one of my favorite actors since I was a kid, as a surprisingly perfect Santa CLAUS.

It's a Christmas movie that I would write if tasked with coming up with a Christmas story that featured no violence and other scabrous elements. I loved everything about it, from its dysfunctional sibling protagonists, to its examination of the lore of the how-to of Santa's magic, to ordinary people encountering the real Santa and being presented with concrete evidence that he's EXACTLY who he appears to be, to arguably the best Christmas elves yet committed to celluloid. (Extra points for them being Nordic and speaking with subtitles.) In short, it's the movie I wish I'd had at my mother's house this past Christmas.
It made me feel good, even to the point of making me believe in this specific Santa.

All my life I have believed in the power of stories and storytelling, and when I really get into a story and its characters, it moves me, and by the time THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES reached its very satisfying climax, I felt genuinely Christmas-style good for the first time in ages, and I was shocked to find out that I had tears running down my face. The film offered me a much-needed dose of fun and emotional release without being cloying or nauseating in the way that far too many holiday films are.

Final verdict: THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES will be added to my DVD collection as soon as possible, and it will become a Yuletide perennial alongside VIOLENT NIGHT, KRAMPUS, and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, only wholesome instead of savage or scary. Even a dyed-in-the-wool Christmas bah-humbugger like me can get with the spirit when a story truly speaks to my head and heart.


 Promotional image from the original release.

Thursday, December 19, 2024

HARUM SCARUM (1965)

Leave your brain at the door for this one.

Finally saw HARUM SCARUM (1965), one of the top contenders for the dubious distinction of being Elvis’s rock-bottom worst film, alongside the equally maligned KISSIN’ COUSINS (1964). While KISSIN’ COUSINS very much played into its era’s trend toward “cornpone” comedy, HARUM SCARUM harks back to the B-movie genre of “exotic” Arabian-set adventure/romances of the 1940’s and 1950’s, with California unconvincingly standing in for Middle Eastern locations. 

Originally released as a double-feature with the classic Toho kaiju flick, GHIDRAH THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER, 


I swear this actually happened. Talk about tonal whiplash... 

HARUM SCARUM finds Elvis starring as Johnny Tyrone, a nightclub entertainer and movie star on a goodwill tour of the Middle East, who is kidnapped and tasked to use his karate skills to murder the king of an isolationist desert nation that has kept Western influences at bay for two millennia. If he does not murder the king, a league of assassins will kill a troupe of performing thieves and orphans that Elvis has befriended. (Why the league of assassins don’t just dispose of the king themselves is never addressed.)

Elvis as Johnny Tyrone. Rudolph Valentino he ain't.

There are escapes, double-crosses, mild derring-do, Michael Ansara (I DREAM OF JEANNIE's Blue Djinn and Klingon captain Kang from the original STAR TREK and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE), the always welcome Billy Barty, and romance with the king’s gorgeous daughter, all accented with a steady roster of forgettable musical numbers.

When compared against KISSIN’ COUSINS, I have to say that I find HARUM SCARUMto be the superior film. Yes, it’s incredibly stupid, but it’s as mindlessly entertaining as any of the many faux Arabian exotica flicks that Hollywood had cranked out for the previous twenty years, and Elvis and company all look like they had a blast filming it, unlike the somnambulistic performances in KISSIN’COUSINS. The comedy, though moronic, does not insult one’s intelligence in the way that KISSIN’ COUSINS did, and the songs are all definitely better (though it's an admittedly low bar). However, the one disturbing trend of several Elvis films of the early/mid-1960's that pops up again here is Elvis engaging in a musical number with a pre-pubescent girl that, though intended to be "cute," comes off as douche-chills-inducingly borderline-pedo. (You'll know that scene when you get to it, so have your thumb on your remote's fast forward button.)

Seriously, this sequence made me squirm.

When you add it all up, it's a lot more breezy and fun than KISSIN' COUSINS and I would actually recommend it as a passable waste of 85 minutes. So, for now in my estimation, KISSIN' COUSINS retains the crown as the worst Elvis movie that I have endured. Will I find one of his other works to be somehow even worse? I intend to make my way through all of the King's cinematic oeuvre as the mood strikes me, so STAY TUNED.


Poster for the original theatrical release.

KISSIN' COUSINS (1964)


Twice the Elvis, infinite awfulness.

KISSIN’ COUSINS (1964) was Elvis’s fourteenth film in eight years — he averaged two or three films per year from 1960 through to 1969 — and by this point his movies were virtually interchangeable, distinguishable from one another only by the setting and Elvis’s vocation in the story. This time around he plays a U.S. Army lieutenant who is forced into helping the Army  obtain permission to use an area of Tennessee’s Great Smoky Mountains as the location of a top secret ICBM missile base. He’s pressed into this task because the area is owned by an ornery hillbilly stereotype who hates outsiders, especially representatives of the government, but Elvis’s character’s family were once native to the area and he’s related to the hillbily’s family because one of his elder relatives married one of the hillbilly’s relatives, so Elvis is kin and therefore not a target for murder upon entering hill country. 

With a small platoon of fellow soldiers and his commanding officer in tow, Elvis attempts to broker the land deal while fending off the hostilities of his blonde lookalike cousin, and also contending with the attentions of two cornpone cuties, one of whom is played by a pre-BATMAN Yvonne Craig, who spends much of the film running around in a yellow bikini. Oh, and the cuties in question are his cousins.
 

 The all-natural, puberty-enflaming wonder that was Yvonne Craig.
 
There’s a time limit on making the deal, and if it does not go as planned, Elvis’s commanding officer is threatened with getting reassigned to Greenland instead of the cushy Pentagon gig that he aspires to, and if he fails he’ll take Elvis down with him.  
 
The old hillbilly proves to be stubborn about relinquishing the land, even for good compensation and a number of accompanying perks, so Elvis has his work cut out for him. And while all of this is going on, there’s romance, assorted hillbilly shenanigans with moonshine and revolting country vittles, terrible musical numbers that Elvis pretty much sleepwalks through, and, my favorite of the film’s many stupid elements, the “threat” of the Kittyhawks, a roving band of hot man-starved nymphomaniacs who roam the mountains in search of men to knock them up so they’ll have boy babies. All these idiotic elements come together at the end, when every problem is solved by a massive drunken party, with the Kittyhawks getting it on with the servicemen.
 

Elvis versus the Kitthawks. The hills are alive with the sound of nymphomania.

Considered by many to be the rock-bottom worst in the lengthy Elvis filmography, and definitely the worst that I have seen thus far. KISSIN’ COUSINS is aggressively brain-dead but is fun to sit through for its we-don’t-gove-a-fuck utter idiocy. Like most other Elvis films of the 1960’s, it runs out of steam about halfway through, but stick with it just to see the ridiculous conclusion.
 

 "You gals ever hear of buggery?"

When I ran the film for Lexi and Ginna (Lexi’s older sister and Bad Movie Night regular), Ginna noted that she, like me, had received her education on the cinema of Elvis via the times when the late, lamented 4:30 MOVIE would do an “Elvis Week” showcase, and though she had seen and enjoyed many an Elvis flick for their sheer mindless entertainment value, she had never seen KISSIN’ COUSINS. When it was over, she remarked that it was likely the worst one she had ever seen, thanks to its stagebound visual cheapness, terrible dialogue and performances, and a roster of unlistenable dreck that passed as songs.

The next Elvis outing that I plan on subjecting the sisters to is HARUM SCARUM (1965), in which Elvis goes to Arabia and engages in Arabian Nights shenanigans. It’s another strong contender for the crown as Elvis’s worst, so I can't wait to endure it.
 

 Poster for the original theatrical release.

HERCULES (2014)

Dwayne Johnson, making for an impressive Hercules.

Finally got around to checking out HERCULES (2014). Taking place after the completion of the famous twelve labors, this gives us a Hercules (Dwayne Johnson) who leads a band of mercenary heroes, including Ian McShane as a skilled spearman who sees visions of his death,  

and the athlete Atalanta (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal), here reimagined as an Amazon archery badass.  

Though widely lauded for his amazing feats and status as a demi-god, Hercules bears the guilt of having killed his wife and children, a state of mind that holds him back from true greatness, but he nonetheless leads his companions when they are hired to lead the army of Thrace against savage marauders. But all is not as it seems, with neither Hercules's culpability for his family's murders nor with the people he and his stalwart crew were hired to rout. And, interestingly, there is question as to whether the mythic hero is actually the son of Zeus, or is he just a figure whose legend grows with each retelling?

Basically a matinee popcorn muncher, I can see why this flopped, as it's little more than a throwback to the seemingly endless Italian mythological muscleman flicks of the 1950's and 1960's peplum wave, only with the production values to make it look quite lavish. It's nothing great, but lovers of ancient world epics and mythic adventure will find it an agreeable way to pass just over ninety minutes. Dwayne Johnson makes an appropriately beefy Hercules, and his band of mercenaries are all a lot of fun. It's the kind of thing I would have absolutely loved if I'd seen it at age nine, and even at my current age of fifty-nine, I was entertained. Recommended as a minor diversion for mythology goons and peplum addicts.


                                                        Poster for the theatrical release.

Monday, December 16, 2024

RED ONE (2024)

Who knew I needed to see a slap fight between the Rock and Krampus?

It's just before Christmas Eve and Santa is kidnapped for a scheme that will usurp his annual duties and find all on the naughty list imprisoned forever, thus making the world a nicer place. It's up to Santa's hulking bodyguard and an amoral, world-class cyber-tracker/thief who can find anyone who doesn't want to be found to retrieve Santa and save Christmas while weathering all manner of obstacles, both fantastical and all-too-human, before the world must face a year without Christmas.

Since it was free on Amazon Prime Video, I just watched RED ONE (2024) and it was absolutely NOT what I expected going in. I anticipated a treacly Christmas movie for the kiddies, but what I got was a two-hour mashup of a TAKEN-style kidnapping rescue thriller, mismatched buddy movie, an examination of family dysfunction, monster movie, and PG-13-level violent superhero action flick. It's tonally all over the place and it's definitely not for the little ones, as it can get rather intense for a seasonal item, and that's why I'm going to wager that it will eventually find an audience of tweeners and older on home video. It's an antidote to nauseating Christmas family fare, despite wielding a number of heartwarming elements, and at its heart it's more of an action film than anything else.

I don't have kids but I would bet that at just over two hours, it's likely a tad too long for the endurance of the average moviegoing child, plus some of the concussive action, eerie visuals, and superb creature makeups may be a bit much for the really little ones, so know your kids' ability to handle such material before sitting them down with this.

Chris Evans is a lot of fun, playing a character who's the moral polar opposite of Steve Rogers, and Dwayne Johnson is his usual superhero self as the veteran head of Santa's security. They work well as a mismatched duo, and I enjoyed their dynamic quite a lot. Also, extra points for the diverse crew that populates the North Pole. There are humans (apparently), elves, trolls, and anthropomorphic polar animals, including my favorite, a polar bear security enforcer named Garcia.

 

The depiction of "Santa magic" is arguably the most interesting that this fan of fantastical tales has yet seen onscreen, and the tactical deployment of size-changing/reality-warping tech reminded me of how the Atom fights in the comics.

RED ONE is a flawed piece, but I was entertained because I took it in as a superhero movie about supers who are tied into the mythic lore of Christmas. It's definitely not for those who like their yuletide cinema to be all sentimental and sugary, though it does feature bridge-building to salve inter-familial rifts. Bottom line: At heart, this is a Christmas superhero flick, complete with powerful supernatural supervillain, and as such I say it was better than the past several MCU efforts (an admittedly low bar). Smoke a bowl, down some spiked eggnog, and enjoy it for the weird genre chimera that it is.

Poster for the theatrical release.

Sunday, December 15, 2024

JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX (2024)

FOLIE A DOO-DOO, more like.

Just made it through JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX (2024). Talk about a slog...

This turd has already been dissected to death on the internet, so all I have to say is that it's a would-be opera that instead ended up as a bad, pretentious catalog of movie musical cliches, or it was intentionally crafted to troll the audience that so lauded the inexplicably overrated first film. It's a musical where the vocal performances should be outlawed by the Geneva Convention, the romance between the protagonists depends on the audience more or less taking their love as a given without really doing much of anything to sell it (which did not work for me at all), and the damned thing felt as long as BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ. 

I didn't like the original, so whether this sequel fails or not matter not at all to me, as the only reasons I saw this were that it was free, and solely so I could see what the hoopla was about in order to be able to comment on it from an informed point of view. That said, it's a well-crafted disaster across the board. It's pretty and professionally realized, but a gilded turd is still a turd.

Saturday, November 23, 2024

GLADIATOR II

 
 Director Ridley Scott returns to the sands of the arena.
 
GLADIATOR II (2024) is a decent sequel, filled with all of the elements fans of the ancient world epic genre want, but with one glaring problem: its protagonist is by far the least interesting character in it. The narrative would have been much better served if it focused solely on Pedro Pascal's war-weary Roman general who only wishes to retire and spend time with his wife, but it's made clear by the twin emperors that he is their bitch and must therefore never cease conquering in the name of the empire. Also fun is Denzel Washington as an owner or gladiators who seeks to use the film's hero, the son of the original's Maximus, as his stepping stone to usurping the throne. 
 
But, whatever. 
 
There is enough pageantry, lavish costumes, well-choreographed and realistic fight scenes, cartoonish CGI animals,graphic violence, and flamboyant camp that the genre has provided since the days when Rome's Cineccita studios was cranking out badly-dubbed peplum imports by the dozen seemingly every other week to keep fans of the genre entertained. And extra points for the inclusion of Derek Jacobi, a favorite and an immortal in my eyes for his unforgettable performance in the classic I, CLAUDIUS (1976). 
 
Worth seeing, but better if seen at at cheap matinee or via streaming on a huge flatscreen at home.
 
Poster for the theatrical release.

Monday, October 07, 2024

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2024 - Day 7: KING KONG (1933)


What more can possibly be said of the original KING KONG? It's the grand-daddy of all giant monster movies and a landmark in both American cinema and general Americana, a work whose impact still reverberates nearly a century after its release. Everyone knows its plot particular, but it can be broken down thusly: A film crew makes an expedition to an uncharted island in the South Seas, where they find a gigantic ape that is worshiped as a god by the natives, and the director intends to shoot a movie about the beast. The woman who is along as the star of the  film is abducted by the natives as a sacrifice to the ape, who carries her away through a jungle filled with deadly prehistoric animals to his mountain top lair, and the film crew and ship's compliment give pursuit, many losing their lives in the process. When the woman is rescued and brought back, the ape follows and is brought down by the film crew's gas bombs. Ferried back to New York City, the beast is put on display as an attraction for the city's affluent, but the creature escapes and goes on a deadly rampage until it finds the woman again and carries her to the highest point in the city. It is there that the monster meets its fate.

That description is basically what happens, but it in no way communicates the richness of the film's black-and-white visuals, its then groundbreaking stop-motion visual effects, its surprising level of adventure, action and violence, Kong being something of a sympathetic terror — after all, it was the white men who invaded his domain and kidnapped him with an end goal of what amounts to enslavement — and enough subtext to fuel decades of interpretation of the narrative's "true" intent. KING KONG is a work that was way ahead of its time in every way, while still being very much a product of its era in terms of now "problematic" content regarding race and handling of its female character, so newcomers are advised to approach it with what was acceptable back in 1933 firmly in mind.

AS previously documented, I was a monster kid from Day One, but I never saw the original KING KONG until I was eight years old, five years after being exposed to the character of Kong via Saturday morning reruns of the 1966 Japanese animated Rankin-Bass cartoon show in which Kong was a hero who is befriended by a young boy, and also the 1967 Toho film, KING KONG ESCAPES, which brought Kong into the landscape of Japanese kaiju. I loved both, but I did not experience the real deal until it was released in a restored version in 1973. My mother knew and understood my love of monsters, so when she heard of the grand-daddy of them all coming back to the screen, she took me as a treat. My mind was blown, and though I was raised in a socially-conscious Black household, I was still too young to parse the movie as anything other than a riveting adventure movie that happened to feature a rampaging 30-foot gorilla. The "problematic" elements did not register at all, such was the power of the story being told.

Following that inaugural screening, I saw KING KONG on a yearly basis, as it became a perennial constant on WOR, Channel 9 out of Secaucus, New Jersey. During the pre-cable years, it aired every year on Thanksgiving as part of a two-day package of giant ape and monster movies intended to give the kiddies something to do when the holiday feasting was over and the adults watched football in another room and/or got their drink on. That day was sometimes looked forward to more than the family gathering with all of the slaved-over banquet, because we got KING KONG, SON OF KONG, and MIGHTY JOE YOUNG on the first day (though some years began the festival with MIGHTY JOE YOUNG), followed by three random Godzilla movies (usually a trio of the lesser ones) on the following day. 

Vintage TV GUIDE ads for the annual Channel 9 festival of giant monster mayhem.
 
So it was that every year Tri-State Area kids were refreshed on the legend and tragedy of King Kong, and his story has stuck in our hearts and minds ever since. Unquestionably the most culturally important giant monster movie ever made, and without it its success we would never have gotten the legion of city-wrecking titans that followed in his wake, most significantly Godzilla. 

In 2004, when word of Fay Wray, leading lady in the classic 1933 version of KING KONG, screamer extraordinaire and the cinema’s quintessential damsel in distress, passing away at age 96 hit, film fans worldwide were devastated. The black and white image of her stunning blonde beauty, adorned in naught but a torn teddy while struggling to escape the fearsome-yet-adoring clutches of the thirty-foot monster god of an uncharted island had at that point been carved in stone as a cinematic landmark for seventy-one years and is unforgettable proof of the dream machine that was once the Golden Age of Hollywood.

Upon hearing of Miss Wray’s passing the first thing that crossed my mind was “Was she the last person involved in KING KONG to go?” If she was, she may have been the last of a dying breed, the old-school Hollywood movie star. When one thinks of those who pass for stars these days, that’s a sad thought indeed. Will Keanu Reeves, Brittany Murphy or even Adam Sandler be remembered down the line with the fondness afforded Wray and her contemporaries? I sincerely doubt it, and that’s ironic since Wray publicly bemoaned the fact that the mythic status of her role in KING KONG lead to the overshadowing of every other part she essayed.

With the unabashed love that I have for giant monster films, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the 1933 KING KONG is my favorite movie. I say movie because film is a somewhat lofty term often applied to works by artists such as Bergman, Kurosawa and Jarmusch, items of deep examination of the human condition and such. Not so with KONG. KING KONG is a rollicking piece of entertainment, sheer fun from start to finish, with nothing on its mind except entertaining its audience and placing the viewer firmly within an adventure into the fantastic. Fun and entertainment is what it’s all about, and by those criteria KING KONG is a great movie.

A Depression-era adventure yarn like no other, KING KONG has mood, romance, thrills and balls-out monster action from start to finish and several sequences that have since become ingrained into the worldwide popular culture. And considering that Kong himself has existed on his island for thousands of years, I have always wondered what his typical day was like. During the harrowing adventure shared by Anne Darrow and Jack Driscoll deep within the teeming jungle of Skull Island, we see Kong handing out ass-whuppings on his fellow jungle denizens like it was Halloween candy. Remove the two hapless humans from that picture and you have to realize that Kong’s day-to-day existence would have sucked most egregiously when he wasn’t being offered native women with which to do God only knows what. I can see it now: the big guy is lumbering down a dense forest path when, suddenly, some primordial crawly thing drops out of a tree and attempts to eat his face. Kong savagely dispatches this creature and continues on his mighty way. Then, without warning, a Tyrannosaurus Rex jumps out of a ditch and tries to bite his nuts off. Our giant-ape-about-town puts much foot to scaly ass and vanquishes the errant T-Rex by ripping off its head and taking a big dump down its throat. After foraging for whatever may constitute the diet of a thirty-foot primate, Kong returns to his mountain top lair to chill out and relax. As he reclines and begins to nod off to Slumberland, a giant carrion bird swoops from the skies and tries to lodge its beak up Kong’s hairy ass. Kong clenches his titanic butt-cheek muscles, breaking the bird’s neck like a Mister Salty pretzel stick. Kong then stands atop the corpse, throws back his head and drums on his chest. He lets out a cry of what may appear to be triumph, but he’s more likely saying “Can’t I go through just one day without somebody trying to eat my ass??? FUCK MY LIFE!!!”

In honor of Fay Wray’s passing, I watched the film again that night, and it was sort of like attending the wake of someone I’d known since childhood. I just wish that I could have invited everyone I know over to share it with me.

In short, the 1933 KING KONG is quintessential seminal giant monster cinema and should be experienced by every true lover of movies, and especially of monster movies in particular. A landmark of 20th Century Americana in no uncertain terms.

Friday, August 16, 2024

JACKPOT! (2024)

A winning lottery ticket unleashes complete and utter greed-fueled homicidal madness against the winner in a dystopian near-future Los Angeles.

I just watched JACKPOT! (2024) on Amazon Prime. Think IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD set in a dystopian near-future Los Angeles, with Awkwafina as Latie Kim, a wannabe actress who's the winner of a ten-billion dollar lottery, and the wrinkle in the rules of the game is that she has to make it to sundown to win the loot, but it's open season on her until then, as the person who kills her before sundown wins the lottery prize. Thus, the entire city loses its collective mind and literally every adult person is out to kill her. Pursued by hordes of greed-crazed maniacs, armed with pretty much anything they can grab, our heroine tries to survive a citywide relentless gauntlet of homicide with a mile-wide target on her back and her location tracked and broadcast by a drone. Her only chance of survival is the aid of Noel (John Cena), a hulking badass whose profession is keeping lottery winners alive so they collect on the prize.

It's a ridiculous movie, punctuated with endless mayhem and chases, and as such it's a fun enough live-action cartoon. I usually cannot stand Awkwafina, but I really enjoyed her in this, and the same can be said of Simu Liu as Louis Lewis, a rival professional protector of lottery winners who has a history of bad blood with nice guy Noel. John Cena is as lovably goofy as ever, and he solidly delivers with both the comedy and the ass-kicking.
 
Not a classic, but definitely worth a watch.
 
Promo image for the Amazing streaming release.

Friday, August 09, 2024

KYOSHIRO NEMURI: IN THE SPIDER'S LAIR (1968)

 

Anti-hero ronin Kyoshiro Nemuri (Raizo Ichikawa) confronts one of the most vile bitches in samurai cinema history. (I would call her the "hard C-word" and she would deserve it, but I am too much of a gentleman.)

After decades of hearing it touted as an all-time classic, I finally saw KYOSHIRO NEMURI: IN THE THE SPIDER'S LAIR, and maybe it was due to all the hype, but I have to admit that I was underwhelmed.

Also known as THE HUMAN TARANTULA, this 11th in the "Sleepy Eyes of Death" samurai series pits titular wandering anti-hero Kyoshiro Nemuri (Raizo Ichikawa), the red-haired son of a black mass conducted by Portuguese priests who raped his mother as part of the ritual, against a brother and sister pair of unspeakably sadistic sociopaths who keep a dungeon full of innocent villagers whom they haul out and murder in cruel ways for their amusement. Nemuri is a particularly nihilistic take on the samurai protagonist, as he owes allegiance to no one and basically doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything, so little that he does is noble or heroic. He's a rather unlikable sort, but even he recognizes that the evil siblings need killing, and the path to that ultimate resolution features a very high body count indeed, though not punctuated with spewing gallons of arterial spray like in the LONE WOLF AND CUB or HANZO THE RAZOR flicks. 


The film is well-crafted and acted, but somehow I just could not connect with Nemuri or really care about anything in the narrative, other than seeing the bad guys get what was coming to them, and when they finally do meet their well-earned fates, it was nowhere near as cathartic as their deaths deserved to be. The brother and sister are two of the worst villains in a genre that's packed with utter scumbags for antagonists, so them being as nasty as they are and standing out as exemplars of soulless cruelty as much as they do is really saying something and may be a key element to why this entry is so revered. And make no mistake, Nemuri is a slayer who litters the landscape with bodies, so there's certainly no skimping on the sword-slashing action. It may just be that between the time I first heard about this film and its lofty rep and the present, I have seen perhaps 200 samurai films of wildly varying quality, several of which are all-time favorites that I will eagerly revisit, even the ones that concentrate more on drama than sword fights and gory violence (1960's BENTEN KOZO being a prime example) involved me way more than this one did. For me, it was worth sitting through once, just to see it. 


I have previously seen the first entry in the series, but it was a long time ago and its details have faded from memory, though I do recall finding Nemuri's inaugural adventure to be an interesting character study of a protagonist who is pretty much the antithesis of the heroic ronin ideal. My lukewarm response to IN THE SPIDERS LAIR notwithstanding, I am quite willing to give the rest of the Kyoshiro Nemuri outings a chance. In fact, I welcome the opportunity.

 

Poster from the original Japanese theatrical release.

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH (1976)

 Boys will be boys: an attempted gang rape in an empty classroom. 

So, after first hearing about it some 42 years ago, I finally saw MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH (1976)

Somewhere in southern California, David (Derrel Maury), a new student, comes to Central High and reconnects with Mark (Andrew Stevens), an old friend whom he once helped out of a bad situation. Mark seeks to repay that kindness by bringing David into his clique, but David immediately discovers his old friend's crew are the school bullies, a trio of rich, entitled bastards who keep the entire student body in check via relentless intimidation, cruelty, and violence. Over the course of a few days, David observes both the oppressors and the oppressed and makes up his mind to steer clear of Mark and his buddies.

The bullies take umbrage at David's disrespect of them, but before they can do anything about it they decide to rape two female classmates whose close friendship leads the bullies to believe they're lesbians, so the lads decide to "teach them something." The girls get hauled into an empty classroom and are about to be brutally assaulted when David arrives, already brimming with anger and hatred for the bullies, and he hands the trio a righteous clobbering. (Mark, sensing what his cronies were planning, opted out.) Butthurt over their beating, the bullies plot revenge against David, lest word get around that he handed them their asses in no uncertain terms. The bullies cripple David by dropping the car he was repairing on his leg, thus ending his anger-managing hobby of running.

After a stay in the hospital, David returns to school with a pronounced limp, and it is revealed that he didn't implicate the bullies in his hobbling, for which the leader of the bullies thanks David, to which David ominously responds with "Ratting people out isn't my style." In short order, David cleverly assassinates the three bullies in ways that appear to be accidents, so he will not be suspected by the authorities. 

 

Assassination Number 1: a clipped control wire sends a bully's hang glider into live high tension wires. ZAP!!! 

Assassination Number 2: a bully high dives into the school's swimming pool in the dark, not realizing that the pool was drained for maintenance. CRUNCH!!!

Assassination Number 3: the remaining bully is trapped in his surfer van and the van is rolled over a cliff, from which it tumbles to its explosive doom. KABOOM!!!

However, it's obvious to all of his schoolmates that David was the author of the bullies' gruesome demises, and they are grateful for being liberated from their serial tormentors. But now that the power dynamic has shifted, several of the formerly-victimized now seek to fill that vacuum themselves, proving that they are just as bad as those who tormented them. Nerds, the handicapped, hippies, and. even some of the girls all approach David to join with them as the figurehead of what they seek to establish as the school’s new order, but all David sees is a new group of vicious assholes replacing the previous, so all that’s left to do is exterminate the lot of them, which he does, again in ways that will not implicate him, with the demolition of the school serving as his final measure to end the bullshit once and for all…

MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH is a movie that could never get made today, for obvious reasons, and it enjoyed a heavy cult reputation during the ’70’s and ’80’s. Though bearing the look and feel of a made-for-TV movie from its era, it features enough cursing, sex and nudity, and R-rated violence to make it a grindhouse perennial, and it surprises by having more of a brain in its head than one would think. The main bullies are all dead by the end of the second act, so the third act examines how the student body vies for power in the wake of the bullies’ deaths, and it also makes it clear that we should not be rooting for mark, no matter how satisfying his kills are, because he’s very obviously shown to be a calm and methodical merciless sociopath who will kill without a shred of remorse. Oh, and look for appearances by exploitation stalwart Bainbeaux Smith, whose elfin blonde nudity is always a welcome sight, and a young pre-REVENGE OF THE NERDS Robert Carradine.

It’s all very bleak stuff, but I have to say that I would have loved it if I had seen it anytime during my years in grades 7-12. I endured bullying from some sadistic kids during those years, and as Black kid in Westport I could not fight back without risking litigation from my bullies’ parents or ending up thrown in jail by the town’s racially profiling cops. The last thing my already stressed-out mother needed was me going to jail, so I just had to take it until the eventual graduation released me from my education system jail sentence. A movie like this would have been my vengeance fantasy writ large, and I'm kind of sad that it took me so long to finally get around to seeing it. Good stuff, and it’s available for uncensored on YouTube Premium and Amazon Prime Video.

Poster from the original theatrical release.