HALLOWEEN RAMPAGE 2008!!!

It was Halloween and the gameplan was simple: meet up with my buddy Jared and wend our way West toward the perfect vantage point from which to capture the annual West Village Halloween Parade, possibly meeting up with some old pals along the way. Well, it all went pretty much as expected, and we all had a blast! Here it is, with a minimum of commentary, and unless otherwise noted the pics that have me in them were taken by Jared.

PART ONE: WORKPLACE SHENANIGANS

Yer Bunche, rockin' the Ro-Man excellence. (photo courtesy Jill Ferraro)

Metal Matt represents as Eddie, the Iron Maiden mascot.

Sukihoshi drops by the design 'ho house in her Sheena, Queen of the Jungle gear.

The Jungle Queen catches up on the day's events.

About fiftten years after I expected to see this character, Raili shows up as Mia Wallace. If she's up for doing another Tarantino character played by Uma Thurman, I'd love to see her don the yellow and black as Beatrix Kiddo next year!

Ro-Man takes a call.

Design 'ho-house sales wunderkind Jamie as a carefully-researched and authentic redneck (Jim Beam is one of our clients, hence the convenient bottle of hooch).

Jillybean lays the foundation for foxy evil.

Nick, an aspiring makeup artist, attends to some last-minute touch-ups for Jillybean.

If Hell's staffed with demons that look like this, damn me for all eternity right now!

Rear view of sheer evil.

Ro-Man with Mia Wallace, the Blonde Demoness, Chickboxer and Bumblebabe.

No sooner than one second after I walked out of the design 'ho-house and hit 3rd Avenue, I ran straight into a group of the costumed. Yes, the Halloween Rampage had begun! (I love the ghoulish Holly Hobby or whatever she's supposed to be.)

PART TWO: JOURNEY TO THE WEST

In honor of the late Rudy Ray Moore: Dolemite and two of his foxy-as-hell all-girl army.

Two minutes after rendezvousing with Jared, the first of two John Lennon and Yoko Ono couples costumes I saw that night.

Jared and Yer Bunche storm 14th Street: "WHERE'S OUR FUCKIN' CANDY?!!?"

Two of my favorite people in the world, Susan and Daniel, trick-or-treating as Death and Jerry Garcia.

"Aaaaaarrr!!!"

My vote for "Best Costume of the Night": a petite woman as AC'DC's Angus Young.

Ace, the Bat-Hound (look him up; there really was such a character).

An ingenious tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece, PSYCHO. (photo courtesy Jill Ferraro)

E.T., Elliot and Gertie. (photo courtesy Jill Ferraro)

I usually abhor costumes derived from advertising or commercials, but this Morton's Salt girl was simply too charming not to photograph.

THE MUPPET SHOW's Beaker, a costume all the more impressive for having been thrown together the previous night.

Johnny, that douchebag from the Cobra Kai dojo.

One of the many times that people asked to be photographed with Ro-Man.
Red Riding Hood and her transvestite/lycanthrope grandmother.

Two icons of manliness: a pirate captain and a matador.

Another view of the pirate captain: pirates are a dime a dozen at Halloween, but I always award extra points for rockin' it with an extra-bogus parrot prop.

El Matador!

It's Pam Grier, muthafukka!!!

The bouncer outside a club as we headed West, not Skeletor.

"It puts the lotion on its skin": Jame Gumb makes his way to Christopher Street.

A flapper and a geisha ("gay-sha?").

I love it when families get into the spirit of the night!

I dunno what her boyfriend's supposed to be, but is Cleopatra awesome, or what?

PART THREE: THE ANNUAL WEST VILLAGE HALLOWEEN PARADE

The Avenue of the Americas: the nexus of all realities.

One of the gigantic spectral rod puppets seen along the parade route at the Avenue of the Americas and Christopher Street.

More towering spectres.

Hey, don't look at me! This one's just plain unclassifiable.

Legos on the loose!

In this economy even dreaded inter-galactic bounty hunters get the shit end of the stick.

The second John and Yoko couples costume. I guess the only prerequisite for this one is that Yoko be embodied by an actual Asian chick.

An angel from the West Village.

For all you DC Comics geeks out there: I've seen Zatanna several times over the years, but this is the first Martian Manhunter I've ever encountered.

Too fabulous for words (I'm not certain, but I think this was a woman).

Iss Tony Montana, joo fuckin' cock-a-roach!

Riff Raff, Magenta and Dr. Frank N. Furter: once mainstay characters of the Village Halloween Parade, these were the only people I saw representing THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. I guess as the world becomes more accepting of "anything goes" pansexuality they are no longer as necessary as they once were. While the acceptance is great, it's sad to see them slowly going the way of the Buffalo.

The Robin Sisters.

The Penguin hits Gotham.

This guy was the only person I ran into who represented in the name of STAR TREK. What the fuck, Trekkies? Where were all of you?

The Jeannie Sisters rock with much fabulousity.

Father Will U. Tell and the Blondies: I have no idea what this was about, but what a composition!

Yo! It's fuckin' Soopah-Man!

I was always a Betty man, but this Wilma...Yabba Dabba Doo, indeed!

Hola, Mamis! Wicked and Wondrous!

Not a costume per se, but I want this guy's hat!

The Hefty Ballerina, swept away by the Terpsichorean muse.

A pair of Ghostbusters.

Freddy Kreuger and Edward Scissorhands: the world's worst "double-Dutch rudder" just waiting to happen.

What can I say? Chicks dig what the Ro-Man's puttin' down!

Ain't it the truth!

The Mad Hatter and the Green Lantern.

The Green Lantern versus Ro-Man for the fate of the Earth! If you think Ro-Man's gonna take a fall for some masked nutjob with fierce jewelry, you've got another think coming!

While shutterbugging at the Avenue of the Americas, I spotted our former Marvel Comics colleague Renee Witterstaetter and got her attention by waiting until she was walking right past me and shouting "Christ, I hate Renee Witterstaetter!!!" That stopped her dead in her tracks, and when she saw it was me she laughed and I called her over for a shot with Jared.

Renee represents.

Proof that the classics endure: Fay Wray, well in hand.

Batman, after discovering the joys of Popeye's Chicken.

The King, Marilyn and...???

Let's hear it for old school mythology!

David Lynch, eat your heart out!

Elasti-Girl and Princess Leia.

El Chapulin Colorado exits a McDonald's on 6th Avenue.

Batman may not have his cowl on, but I'm willing to let that slide thanks to Robin's extra-fabulous footwear!

A helpful demon gives directions to a tourist.

A ghostly bride and jason Voorhees, a match made in Hell.

Just another night on Christopher Street!

Big pimpin', yo!

On the stroll along Christopher Street.

Batgirl and a geisha.

Baby & Buddha.

Skunkette.

Talk about "Girl Power": Supergirl, Wonder Woman and distaff Harry Potter.
Sally and Jack Skellington (aka "the Pumpkin King"), looking far more at home than they did during that whole Christmas debacle.
Considering all the anticipation for the WATCHMEN movie, I was shocked to see only one Rorschach. Just wait 'til next year!
You've just gotta love Rock, Paper and Scissors (though obviously seen here in reverse order).

Strangest couples costume of the night: Pee-Wee Herman and Alice Cooper???

Another Elasti-Girl.

I have no idea whatsoever as to what these two were supposed to be, but I like it strange so they rock!

Captain America and Batman near Christopher Street: what would Bucky and Robin say?

PART FOUR: SUZI'S, THE PUB AND BEYOND

After Jared and I parted ways I went to my friend Suzi's apartment, conveniently located a stone's throw from where I'd spent the last few hours. There I was able to shed the gorilla suit and helmet, take off my shoes and relax by kicking back a few Bud tall-boys. Here's Suzi and her totally awesome pooch, Reggie (aka "Gaylord"), who majestically rocked the Ro-Man vibe.

Sonya and Suzi as Viking Goddess and a stewardess who survived the plane crash.

Cartoonist/goofball Amanda Conner as a snow leopard with a cat-o'-nine-tails.

A.C., shy and demure as always.

A.C. follows Suzi and Viking Goddess on a quest for booze.

Viking Goddess and Suzi at the bar.

Duff-Man!!!

Duff-Man, Marilyn and the dudes from DUMB & DUMBER.

A.C. meets Parrot-Man.

This guy took the prize for sheer conceptual brilliance: he was "a child's interpratation of a superhero," including a spa mask, Y-fronts over a pair of sweats and a towel for a cape. Totally fucking awesome.

Another Angus Young, encountered at the pub in the wee hours.

Viking Goddess and Super-Hero.

A human Q-Tip. Hey, I've seen stupider costumes...

After an entire night of being misidentified by costumed revelers as "space monkey," "Martian gorilla," "spaceman" and, most memorably, "the space mokey's returned from the moon," I ran into exactly seven people who knew exactly what I was supposed to be, including this Stormtrooper who also happened to be a fellow sci-fi geek/brutha-man.

I don't care what you say, dude: simply throwing on a pair of pointy rubber ears doesn't make you Spock, so I still say I only saw one person properly representing STAR TREK. (Nice guy, though.)

Outside the pub where I ended my West Side adventures, I ran into Super-Old Man and a Goldilocks/witch minus her mask.

3:30 AM: A.C. negates her gin & tonics with a delicious grilled dog at Gray's Papaya.

Having been too excited about running about in costume I was far too wound-up to have taken the time to eat more than a couple of beef-stick snacks, so it was a joke of cosmic proportions when this guy sauntered onto the Brooklyn-bound N train. And, alas, there was no chicken in the bucket.

Yer Bunche at approximately 4:40 AM: shagged and fagged and fashed (as Little Alex would put it) on the N train.

HALLOWEEN RAMPAGE 2008-update

At the design 'ho house, minutes before the Rampage began.

I've been bombarded with emails asking just when the hell my full Halloween gallery is going up, and I'm happy to inform you it'll be up and rockin' as tomorrow's first post. Loads of fun for all, and it's relatively work-safe, so fear not.

And, yes, I do work with some rather tasty-looking ladies! (Too bad they're almost young enough to be my daughters...)

FUTURAMA: BENDER'S GAME (2008)

What does it say about a made-for-DVD FUTURAMA movie when the one thing in it that made me laugh out loud was an extra in which Bender's PSA against video and DVD piracy turns out to be an appeal in favor of such, as well as all other forms of thievery including grave-robbing?

This time around, the Planet Express gang must face rising dark matter fuel prices and discover the secret of the alleged shortage behind it while Bender's development of an imagination leads to not-surprisingly dire results, culminating in a journey to an alternate reality in which all of the characters are recast as Dungeons & Dragons fantasy role-playing types (except for Fry, for no explained reason). BENDER'S GAME is by no means bad and it does feature several amusing bits, but it kind of meandered about for far too long before arriving at the story's selling point, the fantasy parody (written and performed by a cadre of hardcore geeks who know exactly what they're making fun of), and by the time the plot got to that stuff it was too little too late. The fuel-shortage plot could have worked well enough in another story, I suppose, but it hogs up the majority of the first two thirds, only occasionally breaking to set up the journey into fantasy with Bender's loss of his grip on reality and full-blown descent into madness (landing him, straight-jacketed, in a padded cell at the HAL Institute for Criminally Insane Robots). There's also a damned-near-pointless demolition derby sequence early on that for the life of me I cannot determine the need for, and other than seeing a SPACE: 1999 Eagle and the severed heads of George Takei and Scott Bakula battling it out for crash-and-burn supremacy, it isn't really funny. Then there's the fantasy role-playing segment. It's amusing enough for what it is, but its LORD OF THE RINGS riffs come off as taking the easy road, which is especially grating because the writers of FUTURAMA are very creative and anything but lazy in what they do.

So BENDER'S GAME gets my vote as the weakest of the three made-for-DVD FUTURAMA flicks, and, as previously stated, while not terrible, if this is where the series would have gone had it not been cancelled, I would have given up on it long ago, even my love of Bender Rodriguez — the most original and truly entertaining robot personality since Robot on LOST IN SPACE, and he happened forty-three years ago! — giving way to ennui. There's one more of these DVDs scheduled, 2009's INTO THE WILD GREEN YONDER, and though the trailer looked somewhat promising, the same could be said about BENDER'S GAME and that one was just so-so, thus my expectations are minimal. I sincerely hope to be proven wrong because these creators are capable of far better, and it's about time they proved that again.

LA MUSE (2008)

Susan La Muse: my kind of omnipotent gal!

I certainly can't speak for everybody out there in the internet ether, but in my life I'm blessed to know a number of lovely, creative, intelligent, funny and sexy women who enrich my existence on a daily basis. No two are alike per se, but the all have a bit of the Goddess in 'em, and as I read this graphic novel (culled from a web comic) I was reminded of some of them in no small way.

Written by Adi Tantimedh, drawn by Hugo Petrus and colored by the enigmatically-monikered "— 3 —", LA MUSE appears, like many graphic novels and comics these days, to have been crafted with an eye on landing a big-screen adaptation, but that in no way works to its detriment. Instead it reads like a smart comedy that genuinely funny and if translated to film would be very entertaining (although some of its elements would definitely earn it a "hard R," if not quite an NC-17). It's the story of two sisters, Susan and Libby La Muse, two twenty-somethings whose parents are vastly powerful non-corporeal aliens who after billions of years of boring existence decided to hang out on Earth and experience life as human beings. Their time here produced the girls, who are scientifically certifiable humans (DNA and all that stuff) but with some considerable differences: younger sib Libby is a somewhat priggish and no-nonsense talent agent who shares a telepathic communications bond with her older sister, Susan, accurately described in the book's promotional material as "a hard-living, polyamorous, chain-smoking political activist," who also happens to be damned near omnipotent. The sisters keep their abilities hidden from all save each other, but when an attempted suicide-bombing leaves Susan with no choice but to act and be "outed," she rises to the occasion, saves the day and, — her secret immediately showing up on the internet so what does she have to lose? — immediately sets about fixing all of the world's problems in ways that only a goddess would.

Ain't it the truth!

Heal the ozone layer? No problem. Render Africa green and abundantly fertile overnight? Piece of cake. Convert gas-burning cars to electric with but a thought? Totally doable. You name it? Got it covered. Susan La Muse is a gal who's smiling, kind, lovely, creative, intelligent, funny and in full (and quite enthusiastic) charge of her sexuality (a running gag about a certain DVD she disseminates is priceless),

Making friends at the North Pole.

so with this benevolent goddess acting as a pan-cultural, global panacea it's only a matter of time before political and corporate entities seek to stop her by any means necessary. But the question is this: exactly how do you assassinate a person who is in most applicable senses of the word a goddess? That's the big question, and that's when things go really nuts.

Reading LA MUSE was a pleasure from start to finish, and even though it kind of works in the same territory as Garth Ennis and Phil Winslade's GODDESS (1995) it's still very much its own entity and is refreshingly free of city-smashing superhero throwdowns that would have been very predictable in this particular story. Susan is the only one of her kind, so her non-super opponents have to try their best to even get her attention (her abilities include a type of omnipresent protective field that keeps her alert if she or any of her friends and loved ones are in danger, and she can move to intercept pretty much at will if need be), and since she's unbeatable it's great fun to see plan after plan go straight down the shitter...until something happens that more than evens the odds.

TRUST YER BUNCHE and give LA MUSE a look. There were several sequences that had me laughing out loud — particularly how Susan solves the problem of an army of murderous white supremacist skinheads — and reminded me of what might happen if Kevin Smith had a female counterpart who came up with a feminist superhero comedy; it's foul-mouthed, violent in places, raunchier than I expected, and filled with dialogue that's just plain fun to "hear" issue from the characters' mouths. It's also a lot more intelligent than I would have expected, especially with the plethora of really awful female comics characters out there, but, as previously stated, the women in this book brought to mind some of my favorite real-life people, and anything that can do that is something I have to recommend.

DARK TOWER: THE LONG ROAD HOME (2008)

About a million years ago (translation: the 1980's) I attempted to read Stephen King's THE DARK TOWER: THE GUNSLINGER and despite being rather a rabid King fan at the time I simply could not make it past the first thirty pages or so. The writing was turgid and the setting was an ill-assembled pastiche of Western/horror/fantasy that just did not grab me. Along with EYES OF THE DRAGON, a collaborative effort with Peter (GHOST STORY) Straub, the first DARK TOWER novel was the moment when I began to feel the King teat had finally gone dry (an opinion proven wrong by what I feel remains his strongest work, PET SEMETARY, which saw print a year after THE GUNSLINGER in 1983). But as the years progressed the DARK TOWER books kept on rolling out and some of the die-hard King fans I knew sang their praises, so I once again attempted to get through the first installment and once again I failed. It all seemed like a pretentious mess to me, and that in order to comprehend it at all one would have had to have it personally explained by Stephen King himself. That said, I left the series alone and held no further in it.

Skip ahead to the present and the arrival of my latest package of books for review from a certain major publishing industry weekly periodical, and the discovery that my latest assignment included a Marvel Comics hardcover graphic novel based on the concepts and characters found in the DARK TOWER series. As you can probably imagine, I was less than thrilled with the prospect of having to read it, but it was a paying gig and I'd read lots of truly horrible graphic novels during the course of my association with the magazine, so even if was was bad I'd probably endured far, far worse. That supposition proved to be true, but lemme tell ya, I sure as shit earned my check with this one.

DARK TOWER: THE LONG ROAD HOME is an original story co-authored by DARK TOWER mega-fan (which explains a hell of a lot) Robin Furth and Peter David, scribe of some of the best work ever seen for the ongoing INCREDIBLE HULK comic book, with art by Marvel mainstay Jae Lee (who rose to fame on a NAMOR run that I was particularly annoyed by) and colorist Richard Isanove. In a departure from the art style I remember from his days on NAMOR, Lee channels his inner John Bolton and turns in some very nice artwork that greatly benefits from Isanove's contribution, but other than that I don't really have much to say about the book's narrative merits. This story is completely and totally incomprehensible unless you're very familiar with the particulars of the DARK TOWER series, which totals seven volumes. There are all kinds of references to what's come before and odd terms and phraseology that I guess are part and parcel for the books, but without a road map to guide the uninitiated reader it's all word soup that apparently has something to do with the gunslinging hero, Roland — one of the blandest leading men I've read about — and his two companions avoiding some guys who are out to kill them, but Roland falls victim to Maerlyn's Grapefruit, a magical Cthulhuesque eyeball thingie that sucks away his consciousness and reveals to him all manner of "scary" and "portentous" shit that frankly bored me to tears. In fact, I don't even have enough interest in it to discuss it any further other than to say that if you were able to make it through the source novels and actually enjoyed them, then you may like this book. I freely admit that I am absolutely the wrong person to be reviewing this, so please take my opinion with a grain of salt; I love the WILD CARDS books, but I know plenty of people who fucking loathe them (and to be fair I can understand why), so it takes all kinds (and the comics adaptations of those novels are best used as compost). But if you, like me, are a DARK TOWER layman who is at best apathetic about pursuing it, give this a miss and spend your $24.99 on something else.