I have often bitched about the amazingly inconsiderate neighbors who occupy the welfare building next door to my tenement building; these devil-may-care intentionally-jobless fucks hang out on their stoop and mine all day and night, selling low-grade ditch weed and making ungodly amounts of noise, so much noise that the first floor apartments in my building stay occupied by the same person for no more than six to eight months. They regularly have friends who drive over in their SUV's that have had the back seat removed and replaced with speakers that put out enough eardrum-shattering bass to violate most strategic arms limitations treaties, and in general bring all of the worst black and Latino stereotypes to life. But today they earned a respite from my hatred by ironically doing exactly what they usually do, only this time by doing something that I like.
I left my flat on a mission to buy onions for the dinner that I was set to begin cooking when I heard the opening lyrics to "La Di Da Di," a 1985 rap classic by Doug E. Fresh with vocals by Slick Rick. My college buddy Nina loved that record and I still have the vinyl 12 inch somewhere in my monstrous collection, every word of which was burned into my bonghit-fueled mind during many a stoned afternoon of long ago. Upon hearing it, I turned toward the parked car from which it blared and began to sing along. Believe me when I say that it shocked the living shit out of my neighbors to see that I, the stuffy bookworm who speaks proper English, knew the song, right down to the often censored line about how the protagonist of the piece would not get with an older woman who aggressively pursued him because of, among other reasons, her "wrinkled pussy." (Excuse me if I'm wrong, but by virtue of general construction, isn't every pussy wrinkled to some degree?)
Upon finishing the song, I left to continue my errand, showered with applause and loud whoops and hollering from my delighted miscreant neighbors. I won't encourage them in future, but that song is just impossible for me to resist.