AND NOW THE HOLIDAYS BEGIN

Well, folks, for the first time in my forty-one years I am not spending Thanksgiving at home with the family, and that's a big step for me. I usually spend turkey day with my mother at the homestead in Connecticut, and while I love the shameless gluttony that goes on, it's just not worth the emotional turmoil and family dysfunction that has erupted without fail for the past twenty years. My mom and I have had a contentious relationship since I was a kid, and once I started to grow out of being her "little boy," the fights escalated and have not stopped since, and unless meals are being shared or presents are being exchanged, being at home is a nearly non-stop barrage of criticism, control freak badgering, unwanted advice and the like, and I have finally had enough of it. There's only so long that one can be guilted into returning home for more bullshit, and I have reached my absolute limit; she gets me at home for Christmas, and that's it.

Instead I will be spending the holiday at the home of Tracey the waitress/godddess and her husband, and I think that will be a welcome change. Traveling to their house takes mere minutes by bus, as opposed to shelling out over twenty bucks for a round trip fare to Westport and approximately three hours of of total there-and-back travel time for what amounts to less than twenty-four hours before having to haul my ass back here to be at work by 3PM the next day. There will be good food, good vibes, and a big-assed Great Dane named Cyrus, and I embrace all of it.

I also have the "Channel Nine Special" at the ready, just in case. Those of us of a certain age who grew up in the tri-state area remember fondly how local TV station WWOR, channel 9, would hold kiddies enthralled each Thanksgiving day with a triple feature of the original KING KONG, SON OF KONG, and MIGHTY JOE YOUNG, and the next day they handed us three random Godzilla movies (for your own Godzilla-thon, I recommend GODZILLA VERSUS MOTHRA, GODZILLA VERSUS MONSTER ZERO, and that ultimate monster rally, DESTROY ALL MONSTERS). This inspired act of kindness went on until the late 1980's, and once gone from the annual schedule it was kept alive by those of us who obtained the movies on VHS and ran them in the name of nostalgia, and the tradition lives on thanks to DVD. Yes, the monkey-festival and rubber suit lizard extravaganzas are ready to roll if the dinner shindig ends early, and my hookah is packed with the kind of bud that goes perfectly with such cinematic diversions.

The one thing I'm saddened by is the lack of a full-time, in-the-area ladyfriend to squire about because holidays are meant to be shared with people you care about, but dems da breaks. This season is fantastic in the Big Apple, filled with happy people milling about, seasonal indulgences such as fine dining and spoiling one's inamorata with small tokens of affection, and warm, at-home snuggling after a day on the town. Yep, once more the goddesses mock yours truly, so I send out a warm Thanksgiving wave of good thoughts to a certain semi-distant siren whom I long to see again soon.

And to the rest of you, if you have a non-dysfunctional family, treasure that and have a kickass holiday.