Thursday, March 08, 2007
ON THE DEATH OF CAPTAIN AMERICA (YEAH, RIGHT)
When I arrived at work yesterday I was bombarded with the regulars telling me, “Bunche, I read in the news/saw on CNN/heard on the radio that Captain America was killed! Did you know about that?”
To most of these people I responded with, “Motherfucker, do you have any idea who you’re talking to?” Of course I knew about the “death” of the good Captain, and don’t buy it for a nano-second. Marvel publisher Dan Buckley and Marvel Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada can swear up and down all they like that Cap is dead, but for those of you who think this is the absolute tits-up demise of Steve Rogers, hero to millions since the dawn of WWII, I have only four words for you: The Death of Superman. Is Superman amongst the Choir Invisible of Comics? Obviously not.
If you’ve read comics at all in the past four decades you know that death is but a mere inconvenience to the various super-powered cash cows, a state that amounts to little more than a brief respite from world-saving. Is the Green Lantern (Hal Jordan, that is) still dead? Noooooo… Is the Phoenix (Jean Gray) taking the dirt nap? Uh, noooooooo… And of the three characters Marvel said would never, EVER be resurrected — Captain America’s sidekick, Bucky, Kree badass supreme Captain Mar-Vell, and Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben — only Ben Parker has yet to rejoin the living, so if you think that Cap is dead I have some magic beans that I’ll hook you up with for cheap!
And how short are the memories of comics fans? Does no one remember that we’ve been through this “death of Cap” bullshit before, namely thirty-eight years ago?
And don't forget that Cap's body is infused with the Super Soldier Serum, a trope that didn't grant him superpowers per se, but it did boost his body to the peak of human perfection, so that probably includes some sort of kickass healing factor. And the very idea of Marvel actually doing away with Steve Rogers once and for all and he's in handcuffs, shot in the back (!!!) and not going down fighting to the bitter end? No fucking way, dude.
"Captain America is dead." Nigga, please.