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Tuesday, September 18, 2007


I'm so bored here, working on yet more mindless bullshit, that I began to contemplate exactly what would constitute the ultimate low in "German" porn, a sub-genre that's already just about as debased as it can possibly be.

For those of you who have somehow had the good fortune to have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, allow me to ruin your innocence. "German" is the catch-all designation for any kinky sex acts involving human excrement. Yes, I'm talking about shit. Doody. Poopies. Grunt biscuits. The "brown choo-choo train" (from the old bathroom rhyme, "Push the handle, pull the chain/out comes that little brown choo-choo train"). By any other name it's still incredibly disgusting, and, sadly, there's a thriving market for pornography that fetishizes this horrifying deviance.

There's also a long-extant sub-genre of both porn and exploitation cinema involving Nazis torturing female prisoners, women who shuffle about the film's set in gray shifts until said garments are torn off of them and they are subjected to gang rape, medical experiments of an unnecessary and immoral nature, or the not-so-tender ministrations of a wooden — in both senses of the word — actor in an SS outfit obtained from a costume rental shop. Not my idea of a fun way to spend an hour and a half, but somebody out there likes this stuff...

Ilsa (Dyanne Thorne) and pals. This is probably the tamest shot associated with this flick.

So I pondered what could be the toxic end result of a gene-splicing of these two endurance test genres, and the answer hit me like an epiphany of sleaze: a hardcore festival of sex, violence, and coprophilia that could only be entitled THE RISE AND FALL OF THE TURD REICH, starring Ron Jeremy as Adolph Hitler (who has mysteriously regrown his fabled missing ball).

And with that observation, I'm guaranteed a spot on line for the Lake of Fire.


Anonymous said...

My brain, she melts down the toliet and is gone!

Anonymous said...

Jim Browski says:

Well, since there is no heaven or hell, let me jump on the bandwagon..
- Schindler's Shits
- A Bridge to Farts
- The Longest Dung
- Saving Port-O-Let Ryan
- Von Ryan's Anus

Ok so most of them are groaners, but who cares?