THE FILM CREW: WILD WOMEN OF WONGO (2007)

Back in the glory days of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 there would occasionally appear a film that, for whatever reason, was dull and unwatchable despite the best efforts of the show's battle-hardened professional hecklers to keep loyal viewers amused. Among those celluloid stink bombs were KING DINOSAUR (1955), LOST CONTINENT (1951), MONSTER A GO-GO (1965), and the German made-for-TV version of HAMLET from the early 1960's, and now the Film Crew has released their first "commentary version" film that can rank alongside those MST3K abominations.

1958's THE WILD WOMEN OF WONGO has long been a part of the pantheon of all-time bad flicks for a number of reasons: bad script, horrendous performances, an incredibly cheap look, no discernible directorial style, a "who cares" story that the makers attempt to distract us from by having a bunch of zero-talent chicks in cavegirl outfits on camera for nearly the entire film, ridiculous opening narration from Mother Nature, the lamest alligator fight ever committed to film, and the questionable "moral" of the story in which it's made clear that the attractive should only marry the attractive, and the average-to-hideous-looking should only marry the average-to-hideous-looking. The whole thing is a turgid and uninteresting piece of horseshit that doesn't even pass muster as cheesy cavegirl exploitation, and for me, a dyed-in-the-wool cavegirl enthusiast, to say that you know it has to suck out loud.

I don't envy the Film Crew guys having to sit through this one multiple times to get the riffs down, especially since there's really not enough to work with other than pointing out the overuse of pointless and repetitive parrot footage or making obvious lesbian jokes. Making fun of THE WILD WOMEN OF WONGO is akin to heckling a version of any given Broadway musical as presented in a junior high school auditorium, plywood sets and all, in other words it's like dropping a couple of M-80's into a fish tank; the result is a loud, unclever decimation of a target that didn't stand a chance in the first place, and you just feel bad for all involved. Plus the whole thing's supplemented with more crappy sketches during the breaks in the film, bits that start out kind of amusing but then go on too long and wear out their welcome.

Considering that the Film Crew are releasing their work direct to DVD, I expect a lot better than this lackluster waste of time. Hopefully their next release, the Italian swords & sandals opus THE GIANT OF MARATHON (1959), will be a bit more lively.

TRUST YER BUNCHE!!!