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Saturday, February 02, 2008


Thanks to Stinky Weasel for sending me this. WARNING: get ready to grit your teeth.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520


Law Enforcement: 
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

I joined the Texas Air  National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.


I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my  career in the oil business in Midland,Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took and using taxpayer money. 

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas. 


I changed Texas pollution laws to  favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.  

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.


I am the first President in U.S history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. 

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most  foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set  the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all- time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign  contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the  largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against  investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating  the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving  the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.  

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the  United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I  withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during  the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. 

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and  less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the  all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of  Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical  Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I so far have failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.


All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

"Of course the  people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people  along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."   

    - Herman Goering at the  Nuremberg trials


Jim Browski said...

I'm glad you included that last quote. To me, it has always perfectly summed up the Bush regime's attitude.

It's all the same shit.

big mike said...

I really like the comic book 303.
we had a surplus...
it must have been all those bleeding heart liberal democrat programs that got us that surplus.
oh, and the economic issues we're facing now, those MUST be the long term results of the previous democrat regime. the economy doesn't just change in a short amount of time like this.
vote republican again America, because in times like this we need leadership, like the man's quote says...

Professor Brown said...

Hah! Your true liberal frilly "pinko" underwear is showing as you hug that tree, Bunche!

I quote:

"I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her."


that should be "had"

Also, but this is a quibble: the all-time high price of gasoline was reached in 1980-- adjusted for inflation (and all that financial chain-saw juggling)-- it was something like $6/gal. Considering the price of gas was $1.25/gal only two summers ago, I think the intent of the idea holds.

Yes, I grit my teeth! and I know all this stuff.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Prof - posted like a typical Republican. "The oil tanker is NO LONGER named after Condi and the ADJUSTED PRICE FOR INFLATION was higher ONCE BEFORE in history! There were one or two minor details wrong, therefore everything you said is leftist liberal pinko propaganda. The other stuff doesn't matter. I grit my teeth, 'cause he's still MY President." Jeeze.

(I don't know - perhaps you MEANT to be ironic?)

Oh, and Bunche: You forgot

"I made fun of a woman condemned to die by my order, on TV, the night before she was executed." (As Governor.)

"I made videotaped jokes about missing WMD while people were dying over the subject." (As President.)

"I presided over the most widespread and profitable kleptocracy in United States history." (Likewise.)

"I referred to the Constitution I had sworn to uphold as 'A goddamned piece of paper.'" (Same.)

"I proceeded to show that contempt by leading more attempts at revising that document than any other administration in US history." (You know the drill.)

"By appointing an unqualified friend to a vital government post, I contributed to the largest, most embarassing and most lethal failure of catastrophe response in US history (Katrina)." (Sing it all with me, now...)

"I was appointed President not once but TWICE under narrow margins and suspicious circumstnces, then proceeded to run the country as if enjoying a landslide mandate." (AS if you needed to ask.)

"My administration led to the political ruin of my party." (Need we say more...?)