OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE: BRUCE LEE-THE MUSICAL???

Bruce Lee is probably breakdancing in his grave at the moment. Break-his-foot-off-in-yo'-ass-dancing, that is.

It looks like the memory of the late, incomparable Bruce Lee will once again be attached to an ill-advised, totally ludicrous project, and if you ask me this one looks even more idiotic that either BRUCE LEE FIGHTS BACK FROM THE GRAVE (1976)

or THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE (1977), both of which exist and suck like your grandpa during Fleet Week.

No, this isn't a Photoshop gag.

As if there wasn’t already enough proof that the entertainment industry has officially run out of ideas, now comes word that a Bruce Lee musical is the works, and I have to ask just who the audience is for such a production? There’s a great disparity between the audience that reveres the Dragon and the crowd that hankers for show tunes, and I completely fail to see how anyone could successfully integrate ass-whuppin’ and music hall foofery. I’d love to see a musical in which a young Bruce Lee tries to make it on Broadway and kicks the motherfucking piss out of showbiz rivals, unscrupulous producers, and the cast of CATS (simply on general principle), leading to a showstopping number in which Bruce kills all of the members of the Sharks and the Jets while mockingly singing “When you’re a corpse, you’re a corpse all the way” in that singular Elmer Fudd voice. I doubt that’s what would make it to the stage, but I’d definitely pay the exorbitant ticket price to see it. (Note to the producers: if you read this and decide to ripoff my concept, at least have the decency to hook a brutha up with some comp tickets, preferably orchestra center.)

Yet while a Bruce Lee musical sounds like it would lick major balls, there’s no guarantee this travesty will make it to the Great White Way. Just look at the announced-but-never-launched musicals about Batman and Captain America and the way those fizzled out like a bad fart and pray the same happens to this bullshit.

From the Associated Press:

BRUCE LEE HIGH-KICKS IT TO B'WAY May 21, 2008 -- Does legendary martial-arts man Bruce Lee have a future on Broadway? It appears so, with the announcement yesterday by Elephant Eye Theatrical of "Bruce Lee: Journey to the West," a new musical slated for New York sometime during the 2010-11 season.

There's been no casting yet for the role of Lee, who died in 1973 at the age of 32, but the show will be directed by Bartlett Sher, who is winning acclaim this season for his direction of the Lincoln Center Theater revival of "South Pacific." "Bruce Lee: Journey to the West" will have a book by David Henry Hwang, author of "M. Butterfly" and a score by David Yazbeck, who wrote the music and lyrics for "The Full Monty" and "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." The choreography will be by Dou Dou Huang, artistic director of the Shanghai Song and Dance Ensemble.

Besides martial arts, the musical will feature Chinese opera and pop music as it traces Lee's
journey to film stardom.