PORNO-ROCITOR: "ART" IMITATES LIFE

NOTE: special thanks to my porn researcher, Greaseball Johnny, for alerting me to this item. Sir, you are a true patriot of the highest order, and your country thanks you for your tireless efforts in the field of closeup pink and facial glazing.

The porn industry, gods bless it, is always there to latch onto whatever happens to be going on in society and make a quick buck on it. Take an event, TV show, popular figure, what have you, come up with a (supposedly) clever title, get some talent who look appealing while covered with DNA and having rigid Johnsons pistoning in and out of their various orifices, shoot a DVD for about $3000, release it and let the shekels roll in. It's that simple, and as what could be the single most important presidential election in this nation's history looms at a mere two weeks away, those enterprising tenderloin merchants have jumped onto the political bandwagon.

Say what you want about how apparently tits-out insane Sarah Palin is (and I've said a lot out in the world beyond the Internet), just about everybody can agree on the fact that the loony lady is a total M.I.L.F. whose allure is notched up by her wild-eyed madness and "naughty librarian/hot for teacher" look, so it was only a matter of time before somebody put out a Palin-based stroke DVD, and, considering the parent magazine's long tradition of scurrilous political humor, it comes as no surprise that such an effort would issue from the gigantic anus of HUSTLER's video division.

Yes, it's WHO'S NAILIN' PAYLIN? and I can't wait to check it out. I'm not up on current porn — my tastes are firmly rooted in the days before implants and mandatorily-bare pussies — so I have zero clue as to who the star, one Lisa Ann, is, but she gets across the likeness of who she's lampooning ("lam-poon-ing?") well enough to sell the gag, and from preliminary reports I hear that she gets it on with a Condaleeza Rice lookalike and a Hilary Clinton stand-in, so what's not to love? And the icing (or another glaze that springs to mind) on the cake is "Serra Paylin" taking on a couple of Russian soldiers who for some reason remind me of SCTV's McKenzie Brothers on the cheapjack set of their show, "The Great White North." Maybe it's the couch.

(photo cribbed from Fleshbot.com )

When this video was announced there was a minor bit of flack over it existing solely as a crass piece of exploitation (which it definitely is) and anti-feminist/anti-woman mockery that showed a marked lack of respect for a powerful female candidate, but despite Palin's tightly-wound public lunacy and annoyingly-affected little girl voice that screams "Ain't I just the cutest little dickens?", both aspects that fairly demand a piss-take, such alleged intent as an anti-feminist/anti-woman seems a bit beyond HUSTLER's over three decades of being the sleaziest and most unabashed of the mainstream porno mags with nothing on its febrile mind other than a desire to achieve crystal-clear, up close focus on the female reproductive bits in all their pink glory. I'm willing to bet that the dead-in-the-water controversy was fanned by rabid Palin supporters, so I just can't take their accusations seriously in the first place. Porn is porn, it's just that simple, and while many famous women have been impersonated and sent up in X-rated material, most likely since the dawn of film as a medium, this is the only time I can recall such a spoof as being declared a personal attack. This has nothing to do with politics, folks. It has everything to do with horny stick-vid fans wanting to see the admittedly hot Sarah Palin willingly engaged in all manner of fuckee-suckee and the video company seeking to capitalize on that perceived market need, and since it's highly unlikely that she's going to ditch her office any time soon for a shot at winning at the AVN Awards we'll just have to make do with the next best thing, namely a hot doppelganger. Whatever the case, I assure you I'll give this one a look when it hits Toys 'R Us.

And even though it's arriving a tad late, let's give it up for the best political-porno title ever:

"THE IOWA COCK-ASS." Both (kinda) clever and incredibly juvenile at the same time, therefore an artistic triumph even if the DVD's content is the same old dull dirtbox rodgering as always.