It's the first day of the summer and in honor of the season I turn over this post to my colleague in letters, the esteemed poet Lightnin' James. Take it away, Lightnin'!
It Be De Summa, Muthafukkas!!!
by Lightnin' James
It be de Summa, an' dat ain't no bumma!
Even if it's so damn humid yo' nuts stick ta yo'leg
Ain't no time ta be mad 'bout yo' life
Fergits alla dat trubba an' strife!
Crazy hot dawg-eatin' contests out on Coney
Ev'ry year won by de Japanese only
A damn shame too, since de Popeye's-eatin' Bruthas
Ain't representin', jus' pukin...
Pick-a-nicks unda de hot, blazin' sun
Outdaws smokin' dat cheeba, blunts one by one
Rockin' de shorts an' de muthafukkin' sandals
Gettin' stupid at pool parties an' causin' all kindza scandals
Cokey-Colas on ice, dey taste so damn nice
Dem brown-assed sodie's is a goddam vice!
Baseball, babbikews, suckin' down beers
Half-nekkid wimmerns wif thongs goin' up dey rears
An' don't start me on dem wimmerns...
LAWDY, MISS CLAWDY!!! I's so hawny de crack o' dawn ain't safe!
Alla dem braless chicks wit' dey titties all a-shakin'
Alla dem pretty white gurls in de sun, dey whiteness just a-bakin'
An' thank De Lawd for dem lingerie carwashes! (NOTE FROM BUNCHE: SEE BELOW-special thanks to the goddess in the pink teddy for this photo)
Crankin' "Surf City" in my pimped-out car
Hot black wimmerns lookin' like a foxy chocklit bar
Sweaty as hell an' too fine fo' words
Gurl, you so fine I'd gladly eat yo' turds
(NOTE: Sorry, Alysha, but when I found nude Pam Grier, all other models were off!)
Time fo' chasin' bikinis, so try out yo' luck-a
Git out ta da beach, ya dumb muthafukka!
Ridin' de waves drunk afta dark
Just don't gitcho ass eaten by no Great White Shark
So here's ta de Summa of Two-Thousan' an' Six
May de gods stroke yo' pussies and slobber on yo' weens!