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Monday, November 02, 2009


Anal Cunt's debut album, "Everyone Should Be Killed" (1994). Your grandma would love it!

Ever heard of the grindcore band Anal Cunt? Considering how how flat-out not airplay friendly the band's name is I would not be surprised if you hadn't, and perhaps that's for the best since they suck out loud. Rampant with often incomprehensible Cookie Monster vocals, cacophonous to an extremely irritating degree, and essentially unlistenable, Anal Cunt — or simply "A.C." for the squeamish — have somehow managed to put out eight albums that pretty much sound exactly the same and are even at work on an album tentatively entitled "Wearing Out Our Welcome," a title that, much like their previous "40 More Reasons to Hate Us" and "It Just Gets Worse," suggests that they know how simultaneously awful and offensive they are, but they refreshingly just don't give a fuck. But although they may be an aural endurance test of the most
grueling order, Anal Cunt will always have a place in my heart for their marvelously tasteless and ultra-offensive song titles. As I already stated, nearly all of their songs sound alike — with the notable exception of their hilarious cover of "Stayin' Alive" — so actually buying their albums is in no way recommended, but their song titles are definiteLY worth perusing for a cheap and immature laugh. Clearly designed to shock and promote outrage, here's a sampling, and bear in mind that most of these, when actually heard, sound not unlike someone having their larynx forcibly removed while trying to belt out the greatest hits of Louis Armstrong as accompanied by Cannibal Corpse:
  • I Noticed That You're Gay
  • Harvey Korman is Gay
  • You're Gay
  • Jack Kevorkian is Cool
  • You Are an Interior Decorator
  • You Look Adopted
  • Your Kid is Deformed
  • Ha Ha Your Wife Left You
  • Breastfeeding Jim J. Bullock's Toenail Collection
  • Foreplay With A Tree Shredder
  • I Became A Counselor So I Could Tell Rape Victims They Deserved It
  • I Like Drugs and Child Abuse
  • I Sent Concentration Camp Footage To America's Funniest Home Videos
  • You Rollerblading Faggot
  • I Sent A Thank You Card to the Guy Who Raped You
  • Body By Auschwitz
  • Women: Nature's Punching bag
  • I Snuck A Retard Into A Sperm Bank
  • Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck
  • You Robbed A Sperm Bank Because You're A Cum Guzzling Fag
  • I Made Your Kid Get AIDS So You Could Watch It Die
  • Into the Oven
  • I Gave NAMBLA Pictures of Your Kid
  • I Made Fun of You Because Your Kid Just Died
  • Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny
  • You're Pregnant So I Kicked You In the Stomach
  • I Got An Office Job For the Sole Purpose of Sexually Harassing Women
  • Having to Make Up Song Titles Sucks
Reads like stuff you would have thought up for your imaginary punk rock band when you were in junior high, right? Too bad it's only amusing for as long as you're initially eyeballing it...


John Bligh said...

Idunno... I often lull myself to sleep with the calming sounds of "I Gave NAMBLA Pictures of Your Kid" or "Windchimes Are Gay"... Love songs. Nothing but Love Songs...

Mindlesskirby said...

You forgot Anal Cunt's classic hit "I Went Back in Time and Voted for Hitler"