My girl Natalie Portman took home the Oscar yesterday for her delirious/creepy performance in the excellent BLACK SWAN, proving that there is occasionally justice shown in the awards show's annual results. However, though I'm quite pleased with her Oscar win, I just wish she'd said the following during her acceptance speech:
"I would like to take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom of my soul for my participation in those shitty STAR WARS prequels. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking?!!? I would have better served my career by appearing in an 8mm porno reel shot in a Tijuana basement with closeups of me shoving a freeze-dried iguana up my snatch on a stained, sheetless mattress. Please, please forgive me. I am now off to scourge myself with barbed wire in the desert for fourteen years. Thank you."
Would have been the best Oscars moment ever.