Search This Blog

Monday, January 08, 2007


The other day while in Manhattan, I wandered into Taco Bell and braved my first batch of Taco Supremes since the ecoli scare. As I merrily scarfed down my favorite surefire doo-doo fuel, I noticed two teenaged Black girls sharing lunch at the counter that faced out onto the street, and the sight of them caused a male passerby to stop dead in his tracks. Like the wolf in any number of Tex Avery cartoon shorts, the guy's "on the prowl" face replaced the agog stare he wore when first he saw the young ladies, and, testosterone-a-blazin', he slithered into the restaurant.

"Dag, gurl!," he blurted upon entering, his comment apparently directed at both women. "I thought I was dreamin', an' I had ta come up in here an' check my reality!" It took every ounce of my self-control not to laugh my ass off at that smooth move, and he pressed on with, "I see you gots a book bag there...You go ta school aroun' here?" He apparently didn't notice the fact that the girls had visibly stiffened, assuming a stone-like aspect, and totally ignored him. He sat down at the unoccupied booth directly behind them, and splayed out like his nuts were each the size of a cantelope and continued his pitiful mating display. "So, aintchoo gonna gimme yer digits? I mean, shee-it! Check me out!"

By this point, the girls' deflector shields were up at 100% efficiency, and, still paying him no notice whatsoever, the girls got up from their seats, took up their coats and bags, and headed toward the cashier. The would-be swain figured they were on their way to fetch the orca-sized manager who looked like he'd just been released from serving a dime in Ryker's, and, eyes wide with fear, cried out, "Aw, don't do a brutha like DAT!!!" He then turned and hauled ass out of the Taco Bell, immediately losing himself amidst the Fourteenth Street throng.

The girls then returned from the cashier — they were asking for napkins, not rescue — and when they walked past me I yelled to them, "That was the saddest fucking thing I have ever seen!" The girls laughed, looked at me and one of them said, "Wasn't it just?' They waved, and walked out.

Ah, the free entertainment of NYC.


J said...

I've heard sadder tales of misguided attention.

John Bligh said...

It was very rude of those mean, mean girls to ignore that nice lad. He clearly just wanted to be friends...

Jared said...

I'll never understand your love of Taco Bell. That is still more shocking to me than this lad's behavior.

Anonymous said...

Jim Browski says:

Whoa!! It took me a minute to get over the fact that this story starts with you going into a Taco Bell !
Don't get me wrong, I like a good faux taco as much as the next guy, but I think it will probably be a good looooong time before I throw caution to the wind and "think outside the bun".
Yo quiero C.D.C. ?