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Friday, March 28, 2008

TAKING OVER THE WORLD: STEP 1-NAMING THE ORGANIZATION AND RECRUITMENT


Yer Bunche, budding megalomaniac (new photo coming soon).

Now that I'm launching my own post-SPECTRE international crime cartel, I've decided to name it MISCEGEN-8 (a play on "miscegenate;" look it up). SPECTRE was great during the Cold War, composed as it was of commies and assorted greasy foreigners, but nowadays no ethnicity or ideology is all that exotic, so I'm cutting out the middleman and addressing a truly one-world concept of evil. And now that the cool name's out of the way I need some staff, underlings, tech folks, and concubines. With that in mind, I've drafted up the following email greeting:

CONGRATULATIONS! You have come to the attention of MISCEGEN-8, an up-and-coming international crime cartel for the Two-Thousands, and we would like to extend an invitation to apply for membership in our exclusive fraternity. Please fill out and return the enclosed application, along with a photo, and our human resources department will get back to you as soon as possible. Good luck, and remember our motto: Taking over the world ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it!
-Yer Bunche
CEO and HNIC,
MISCEGEN-8

The application reads as follows:

MISCEGEN-8 GENERAL APPLICATION

NAME:

CODE NAME:

DATE OF BIRTH:

PLACE OF BIRTH:

NATIONAL AFFILIATION (IF ANY):

CURRENT LOCATION FOR CONTACT:

AREA OF EXPERTISE:

SKILLS:

PREFERRED WEAPONS:

NOTABLE KINKS/QUIRKS:

RELIGIOUS FANATIC (IF “YES” PLEASE EXPLAIN; HERE AT MISCEGEN-8 WE STRIVE FOR DIVERSITY AND UNDERSTANDING AS WE UNLEASH NASTINESS AND TERROR):

WANTED BY INTERNATIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES (IF “YES” PLEASE SPECIFY WHICH AGENCIES):

PRE-EXISTING AFFILIATION WITH A HUGE, INTERNATIONAL CRIME CARTEL (PLEASE IDENTIFY BY NAME, IF APPLICABLE):

INVOLVEMENT WITH CRIMES/PLOTS OF NOTE:

RELATIVES IN GOVERNMENTAL POWER WHOM WE CAN SEDUCE INTO SERVICE AND/OR BLACKMAIL:

CURRENT BODY COUNT (PLEASE DESCRIBE ANY ESPECIALLY CREATIVE MURDERS):

DESCRIBE WHAT YOU CAN BRING TO MISCEGEN-8:

DESCRIBE YOUR DIABOLICAL SCHEME FOR WORLD CONQUEST:

DO YOU ALREADY HAVE MEDICAL/DENTAL/OPTICAL INSURANCE COVERAGE (YES OR NO):

So, what are you waiting for, dear reader? Apply today!

4 comments:

Scraps said...

Does "HNIC" stand for Hirsute Negro In Charge?

Bunche said...

You know what it means...

Anonymous said...

A representative from the League of Crazy Colored Women ("Miscegenation for World Domination") will be in touch with you shortly....

Jared said...

"MISCEGEN-8"? If your evil organization is going to take over the world you need a name that scares people (y'know SPECTRE) not a name that people have to look up the meaning of (if they bother). Use "Mongrel" or something to scare those dumb old pure breeds.