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Monday, January 19, 2009


So this is it, the final day of the caterwauling Mongolian clusterfuck of a so-called administration that was the George Dubya Bush presidency, but while I am inexpressably ecstatic at him and his cronies finally hauling their buzzardlike carcasses out of the White House, I would truly love to see Dubya end his term in style. By that I mean sauntering onto the front lawn of the White House in broad daylight, buck nekkid save for a huge cowboy hat and boots with spurs, and when in the most picture-perfect spot, whipping out a three-foot, lime green bong and sucking down a huge chamberfull of the skunkiest ditch-weed imaginable and following his copious exhalation by guzzling down an entire bottle of Wild Turkey in one go.

I dunno about you, but I would pay $200 cash up front to see that and be allowed to take a couple of pictures for posterity. But enough of my fantasies.

On this, the eve of the long-awaited changeover on commanders-in-chief, I thought it appropos to run this list of twenty-five actual quotes from Dubya, sent in by my old friend Jim Browski. If you've seen these before feel free to gloss this over, but for those who have not been exposed to this, keep in mind that this man was in charge of our fair nation for the past eight years.


1. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

2. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

3. "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"—Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

4. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

5. "Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican."—declining to answer reporters' questions at the Summit of the Americas, Quebec City, Canada, April 21, 2001

6. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''—Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

7. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."—Washington, D.C., April 18, 2006

8. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

9. "I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle. He's bigger than that."—discussing former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, as quoted by the Sun newspaper, June 27, 2007

10. "And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq."—meeting with Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C., March 3, 2008

11. "We ought to make the pie higher."—South Carolina Republican debate, Feb. 15, 2000

12. "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

13. "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."—speaking on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

14. "We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers."—Houston, Sept. 6, 2000

15. "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

16. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."—U.S. News & World Report, Jan. 3, 2000

17. "People say, 'How can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil?' You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you."—Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

18. "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness."—CNN online chat, Aug. 30, 2000

19. "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."—on the prospect of visiting Denmark, Washington, D.C., June 29, 2005

20. "I think it's really important for this great state of baseball to reach out to people of all walks of life to make sure that the sport is inclusive. The best way to do it is to convince little kids how to—the beauty of playing baseball."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 13, 2006

21. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2006

22. "You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war president. No president wants to be a war president, but I am one."—Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

23. "There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.' "—Boston, Oct. 3, 2000

24. "They misunderestimated me."—Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

25. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."—Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

Good riddance, you useless, USELESS motherfucker!!!


Tom Petrone said...

It still hasn't sunk in yet. I'm still numb from years of dreading what new monstrosity this, soon to be expired, "Adminsistration" would hatch next. Such relief that this eight year disaster will soon be over. Good riddance to bad RubBush!

Deacon Blue said...

I know it's been said that Bush was the first president we voted in because he was the guy we'd rather sit down and have a beer with.

But man, this guy is too dense for me to want to even have a beer with him. I wounldn't even want to have a bus stop conversation about the weather with him.

Now, the things I would want to do in his vicinity, well, I'll keep those to myself lest I get a visit from federal officials...

Anonymous said...

I'm not American yet i think the world, along with the people of America, can truly unite in that relief that Mr Bush is leaving the presidency to a (hopefully) more able man.

Confession: I think it was 2000 when, in the 'countdown' to the announcement of the new president, I enthusastically supported Bush over Al Gore. When the news came that Bush had indeed won, it felt good....

To make it clear, I was ten at the time, i knew NOTHING of policies, political parties or the 'character' of both men.

And... i was a bit of an idiot.

Anyway... goodbye, Bush!

We'll... miss you???

Anonymous said...

It really is staggering to think that Bush was RE-ELECTED. The guy has always been an empty wooden puppet, and we "may" have been better off if his brother Jeb was commander in cheif, IF it was going to be a Bush. Not sure if it is one of his daughters or both, but supposedly, one of them is a Barrack Obama supporter and voted for him. There is hope for that family yet...Xtina

James said...

I never voted for this man, never supported him or his ideologies, and I am incredibly releived to see him go. He still has time to try and take over the government or something, but hopefully he doesn't have the balls...

Anonymous said...

hahaa....I love #4, cause my mothers an ob and I constantly joke with her about "sharing her love with women" lol ....

QuickBrownFox said...

Thanks you for this. I'm almost afraid what the world will be like when Dubya is gone, the comedy and hopefully tragedy in the world will surely decline.

Renee said...

I think we can triple that:

Useless, useless, useless motherfucker.

Great blog.