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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE: "Yippee-Kai-Yay, Mister Falcon"-LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD GETS A PG-13 RATING?!!?

When I first heard that another DIE HARD movie was coming out, I greeted that bit of news with apathy. Let's face it: the first DIE HARD set a gold standard for what we consider "action movies" and is deservedly considered a classic, and I actually liked the first sequel better than the original, but then the third one came out and it sucked a royal hemorrhoid. So why make yet another one, twelve years later? And to add insult to injury the fucking thing's rated PG-13!!! WHY?!!!?

I don't know about you, but if I'm gonna pay good money to see a DIE HARD movie I had goddamned well better get all the graphic violence and Jersey Boy cussing that John McClane provides with his singular eloquence, so when I hear about this PG-13 horseshit I just get apoplectic. McClane without the full-bodied "Yippee-Kai-Yay, motherfucker!" is like Luke Skywalker getting into a lightsaber battle with nothing in his hands but his dick (although that would still be more entertaining than the last three STAR WARS flicks). I guess they're shooting for a bigger audience by lowering the age restriction, but at what cost? Even the ads plastered to the sides of buses here in the good old Rotten Apple feature a shot of bald-as-a-wall Bruce Willis next to four-foot high letters that read "Yippe-Kai-Yay, Mo" at which point the catch phrase is cut off at the front of the vehicle. The very idea is laughable. Protecting New Yorkers, some of the most creatively profane people in the known universe, from the word "motherfucker?" What the fuck is that about? "Fuck" is a word used with such frequency here in NYC, even by kids, that it might as well be the word "the." There's even a well-known floating party circuit actually called "Motherfucker" and it's openly advertised as such, for fuck's sake!

My buddy Chris gets a big kick out of watching the edited-for-television versions of ludicrously violent and profane films like SCARFACE in order to laugh his ass off at the idiotic re-looping of bad language into phrases that no one would ever utter, and a while back he told me that when the original DIE HARD got the TV treatment they redubbed "Yippee-Kai-Yay, motherfucker" into "Yippee-Kai-Yay, Mister Falcon," a permutation that actually manages to outdo the bit in the cleaned-up version of USED CARS where Gerritt Graham's frequent shouts of "Jesus Christ!" became "Cheese and rice!"

So if the DIE HARD gang knew from the get-go that they were gonna pussy out to such a degree for the latest installment, they should have just named the sumbitch YIPPE-KAI-YAY, MISTER FALCON: DIE HARDLY INTERESTED and been done with it.


Bobby the Blue Baxojayz said...

I wonder if Mr. Kate Beckinsale, aka Len Wiseman, thought PG-13 was a good idea, or if the studio leaned on him for that rating. PG-13? T3h suhk!

Scraps said...

My all-time favorite TV dub is Repo Man's "melon farmer" for "motherfucker". But it's kinda cheating, since the makers of Repo Man did the TV dubbing themselves.

Anonymous said...

Jim Browski says:

The all time funniest is Scarface.
They even included some of it as an extra on the dvd. Who can forget Sosa warning Tony not to "fool with me" :)

shades033 said...

What I don't understand is why the MPAA decides that saying "fuck" once is okay for a PG-13 but as soon as you say it more than once, it's an automatic R. This movie "Once" which is one of the most innocent movies released this year... no sex, no nudity, no violence...great for teens... got an R cause of a song where he essentially sings "Fuck Her" over and over... if he said it once in the song, it would get a PG-13 because I guess that can slip by the kiddies who might repeat it (not that anyone under 13 would see the movie... or hasn't heard the word before)

That said, Live Free or Die Hard doesn't skimp on the action or violence cause of the rating and frankly, the word is used as a crutch in bad writing to spice things up and it's just find without it.

Anonymous said...

all time favorite dub in is the USA "up all night" version of the exorcist's famous "your mother sucks cocks in hell" over dubbed with "your mother knits socks that smell".
i can't begin to relate to you how much that has entertained me over the years. I mean, the act of knitting socks with pre-funk, a fantastic concept to begin with, but to turn that into an attempt at a heart rending insult/provocation straight from the earthly bowels of hell itself... oh man, i gotta sit down... (because, usually i type standing???)
-big mike