When I first heard that another DIE HARD movie was coming out, I greeted that bit of news with apathy. Let's face it: the first DIE HARD set a gold standard for what we consider "action movies" and is deservedly considered a classic, and I actually liked the first sequel better than the original, but then the third one came out and it sucked a royal hemorrhoid. So why make yet another one, twelve years later? And to add insult to injury the fucking thing's rated PG-13!!! WHY?!!!?
I don't know about you, but if I'm gonna pay good money to see a DIE HARD movie I had goddamned well better get all the graphic violence and Jersey Boy cussing that John McClane provides with his singular eloquence, so when I hear about this PG-13 horseshit I just get apoplectic. McClane without the full-bodied "Yippee-Kai-Yay, motherfucker!" is like Luke Skywalker getting into a lightsaber battle with nothing in his hands but his dick (although that would still be more entertaining than the last three STAR WARS flicks). I guess they're shooting for a bigger audience by lowering the age restriction, but at what cost? Even the ads plastered to the sides of buses here in the good old Rotten Apple feature a shot of bald-as-a-wall Bruce Willis next to four-foot high letters that read "Yippe-Kai-Yay, Mo" at which point the catch phrase is cut off at the front of the vehicle. The very idea is laughable. Protecting New Yorkers, some of the most creatively profane people in the known universe, from the word "motherfucker?" What the fuck is that about? "Fuck" is a word used with such frequency here in NYC, even by kids, that it might as well be the word "the." There's even a well-known floating party circuit actually called "Motherfucker" and it's openly advertised as such, for fuck's sake!
My buddy Chris gets a big kick out of watching the edited-for-television versions of ludicrously violent and profane films like SCARFACE in order to laugh his ass off at the idiotic re-looping of bad language into phrases that no one would ever utter, and a while back he told me that when the original DIE HARD got the TV treatment they redubbed "Yippee-Kai-Yay, motherfucker" into "Yippee-Kai-Yay, Mister Falcon," a permutation that actually manages to outdo the bit in the cleaned-up version of USED CARS where Gerritt Graham's frequent shouts of "Jesus Christ!" became "Cheese and rice!"
So if the DIE HARD gang knew from the get-go that they were gonna pussy out to such a degree for the latest installment, they should have just named the sumbitch YIPPE-KAI-YAY, MISTER FALCON: DIE HARDLY INTERESTED and been done with it.