You have our word that nothing lame happens inside. Yours sincerely, Mark and Bryan."
-cover blurb on FANTASTIC FOUR #564
LIARS!!! Bald-faced lying bastards!
As a result of reading the latest turgid installment from Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch, it is with the greatest sadness that I herewith officially give up on the Fantastic Four comic series after being a diehard fan since the age of nine. Let's face it: the FF have really only had a handful of runs that warrant their considerable fan base — Lee & Kirby, Perez, Byrne — and the current "hot" creative team was put in place presumably to inject new life into a franchise that's been treading water since John Byrne left, but in my opinion they have contributed absolutely nothing to the Fantastic Four's once-awesome legacy. Yeah, Hitch's art is quite good, but it's just as boring and uneventful as Millar's agonizingly dull scripts and I for one can no longer waste either my reading time or money on this outright bullshit.
The latest issue put the final nail in the coffin of my interest by not only being a Christmas issue four months too late, but for having the rather telling gall to have a promise of "nothing lame" being found between its covers and then giving us an entire issue of talking heads as the FF goes on a Christmas holiday in Scotland in which fuck-all happens other than little Valeria being set up as what appears to be a pagan sacrifice. The whole issue comes off as a case of "been there, done that" to anyone who's seen THE WICKER MAN (1973) and I don't care to venture any further, not even just to see how it turns out.
It breaks my heart to do it but this was a breakup a long time in the coming, and while I will cherish my memories of the once great FF, I think it's best to end things now before they get even worse. Goodbye, Reed, Sue, Johnny and most of all Ben. You were once the best of the best and that is how I will remember you. Requiescat en pace.