The Sacred 25: The Songs I Simply Cannot Live Without (in no particular order):
1. "I Only Have Eyes For You"-The Flamingos
This actually does hold the number one position in my heart and mind because it has an utterly unique and ethereal sound. Whenever I hear it I’m suddenly sunken deep into the biggest and most comfortable beanbag chair you’ve ever seen, located on the huge, domed observation deck on a slowly-rotating space station, surrounded by the limitless firmament and its twinkling stars. It’s like hearing a transmission from outer space and I sincerely consider it the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
2. "Paralyzed"-The Legendary Stardust Cowboy
really saying something.
3. "Plan 9, Channel 7"-The Damned
4. "Jesus Entering From the Rear"-Feederz
5. "I Can Help"-Billy Swan
A forgotten, slow latter day rockabilly tune that was a minor hit when I was around eight years old. This one has an organ that makes it sound like it’s rockabilly night at the ice skating rink.
6. "Tired of Waiting For You"-The Kinks
7. "Garbage Man"-The Cramps
Of the many, many excellent songs by this band, this is the one that I find myself hypnotized by and find impossible not to dance to and sing along with at the top of my lungs. I mean, imagine the following with a hard-driving tom-tom beat:
I said a Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-eye
The bird's the word and do you know why?
You gotta beat it with a stick
You gotta beat it 'til it's thick
You gotta live until you're dead
You gotta rock 'til you see red!
Now, do you understand?!!?”
Yes, Lux, I most certainly do.
8. "Earache My Eye"-Alice Bowie
9. "Reach Out"-Cheap Trick
Tucked away on the soundtrack to HEAVY METAL, this inspirational number is the best Cheap Trick song you’ve never heard. How this was never a hit is beyond my meager powers of comprehension.
10. "Immigrant Song"-Led Zeppelin
11. "Wunderbar"-Tenpole Tudor
One of the strangest songs ever to be a hit in the UK (or anywhere else, for that matter), this song just makes me smile at the mere thought of it. The band is one of the ugliest in recorded history, the song’s lyrics make no sense whatsoever — “There is a man in Germany/He can send a tool”…What the fuck??? — and the singer sounds like he’s vocalizing with some dude’s balls in his mouth, so what’s not to love? For more on this undeniably bizarre group, click here and be amazed. Oh, and the video for this song is a completely idiotic masterpiece that includes a sudden and utterly incongruous appearance of a longship full of Vikings. Whistling Vikings, no less!
12. "Down In the Park"-Tubeway Army
13. "Space Junk"-Devo
14. "The Return of Jackie and Judy"-Ramones
A sequel to “Judy Is A Punk” (1975), this Phil Spector collaboration captures the best qualities of both the Ramones and Spector and is strangely overlooked even by Ramones hardcores. Their loss, sez I!
15. "Some Kind of Hate"-Misfits
exactly what I'm talking about.
16. "La Di Da Di"-Doug E. Fresh & M.C. Ricky D
With Doug E. Fresh providing his patented human beat box stylings, this one is THE triumph of lyrical fun as dished out by the ever-wonderful Slick Rick, back when he was known as M.C. Ricky D. An instant classic when it came out, this is easily the greatest no-instruments hip-hop recording of all time. Go ahead and find me a better one. I defy you!
17. "My Name Is Larry"-Wildman Fischer
Often described as the human equivalent to a bird’s song that explains who and what it is, this a cappella recitation of his name and descriptions of damned near all of his family members makes this the definitive song by schizophrenic songsmith Larry “Wildman” Fischer. I also have a soft spot for this one because I practically drove my mother insane with it during 1980-1981.
18. "The Man From U.N.C.L.E."-The Ventures
1960’s spy-mania meets surf music head-on with this excellent instrumental.
19. "Dream of the West"-Yip Yip Coyote
20. "Beats To the Rhyme"-Run DMC
21. "Let’s All Make A Bomb"-Heaven 17
As gay as tree full of birds, this British new wave dance floor tune is the most ass-shakin’ song you’ll ever hear about the horrors of nuclear proliferation. The ominously witty lyrics include such gems as “Hey! There’s no need to debate! It’s time to designate your fate!” and “Although the war has just begun, ignore the sirens! Let’s have fun! Let’s celebrate and vaporize!” Growing up during the Reagan years, I was certain that there would come a day when I would have to rush to my turntable and play this as the mushroom clouds blossomed skyward.
22. "I Wanna Piss On You"-GG Allin
I wanna piss on you
Fill your mouth with super-glue
I wanna piss on your mother too
And rape your sister
‘Cause she’s so cool!
And, of course, this immortal passage:
Your hair is yellow
It’s dripping down your chin
It’s goin’ in your mouth
One of the many sophisticated works that myself and John Bligh bonded over, and you've just gotta love the clever rhyming of "chin" and "agin."
23. "Spiders"-The Vapors
24. "Model Worker"-Magazine
This one takes me right back to my room in the dorm basement during my third year of college and immediately conjures up images seen through a haze of bonghit smoke as my friends came over to hang out, get baked and listen to whatever bizarre music I chose to treat them to. I have many great memories from that time and this song in particular serves as the soundtrack (along with “Chicken” by The Cramps). Plus, this tune gets extra points for being the only time when I've encountered the word "hegemony" in a song.
25. "Sex Bomb" (long version)-Flipper
The saxophone-driven version of the four-word classic — “Sex bomb, mama! Yeah!!!” — is another record that makes me laugh my ass off because it’s about nothing other than its long and repetitive riffs, accented with cheesy bomb-drop sound effects, that at first irritate but eventually win over listeners once they get that it’s supposed to be idiotic.