PORNO-ROCITOR: 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 (1999)

I've mentioned my fondness for the stick-vid 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 in several posts here on the Vault, so it's only fitting that my first porn review should give it the showcase it deserves.

18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 found its way into my collection in the tried and true way known to all connoisseurs of beat-material, namely it was a hand-me-down from a friend who got it from another friend who was forced to rid his apartment of all pink entertainment when he got engaged, a purge that resulted in a windfall of filth for his closest pals. During my thoroughly entertaining period of unemployment (April 2003-March 2005) I visited a friend who was also unemployed at the time, and while his live-in girlfriend was gone for the day we amused ourselves by checking out the small mountain of hand-me-down smut inherited from our now pornless-but-betrothed friend. Much of it was run-of-the-mill amateur stuff that led to much fast-forwarding and some of it was horrific “novelty” stuff of the BUST A NUT IN GRANDMA’S BUTT ilk, with ancient chicks who looked like the Crypt Keeper getting a seeing-to by buff twenty-somethings who must have really been hard-up for a car payment or enough scratch for heroin. As our interest flagged, my friend remembered he had a VHS tape he deemed “pretty damned good,” and he dug through the filth pyramid to withdraw a boxless blue tape. This was the now-legendary 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 and as it played I was held mesmerized, for good reasons and bad.

The tape is typical of the "endless series" style of porn in that it has no narrative to speak of, just a series of unconnected scenes featuring couples (and occasionally threesomes) getting it on in med-school-level crotchular detail, culminating in spurting DNA decorating the nearest body part of the female participant, usually her face, after which the woman in question bears a strong resemblance to a melted candle. (I’ve never been a fan of the facial cumshot because to me it brings to mind the sufferer of a truly terrible cold with no Kleenex nearby, but it’s now as much a part of the porno lexicon as Cookie Monster vocals are to death metal, and I guess there’s a segment of the audience that absolutely needs to see spewing man-glue in order to be satisfied of the validity of the acts just witnessed, so I guess I just have to grin and bear it.) Other than being a festival of the facially-blown load, the flick showcases several appealing young ladies — most of whom look well over eighteen to me! — getting righteously plowed by an assortment of eager bohunks, and the cameraman is right in there for every bit of the uglies-to-uglies jousting, occasionally using the interesting stylistic trick of zooming in for a tight closeup of the actress’ face as she’s either deep in the throes of G-spot frenzy or looking directly into the camera, eyes glazed by either questionable pharmaceuticals or wildly firing endorphins, as her Neanderthal co-star grunts and probes like a flatulent ferret.

At this point I’m sure 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 sounds like every other garden variety shot-on-video omnibus tug tape, and much of it is, but here’s where the beauty of the omnibus format and DVD menus becomes evident: after seeing the entire thing once, I realized that while the whole tape works as perfectly serviceable porno there are exactly two sequences that I liked enough to be “entertained” by on a repeat basis, and thanks to the DVD remote I can access those chapters instantaneously and not have to wade through the rest of the video on fast forward to get to the stuff I like.

The first of the two sequences stars an adorable Amerasian cutey identified on the packaging as “Joy,” and she’s the only performer on hand whom I could see being eighteen or nineteen (the youth angle is irrelevant to me, but I’m just saying). Her black hair is cut into a 1920’s flapper/Goth/punk bob (it may be a wig) and she has a small spiked piercing protruding from just below her lower lip, and she also sports a fetching parochial school tartan skirt accented with black stockings and platform pumps, so I’d already be quite happy even if she didn’t allow the viewer to become her gynecologist by proxy. But don’t let my description put you off. Joy is cute as button and is kind of reminiscent of a live action Betty Boop, and her Scrap Bar denizen look is an intriguing counter to her charming pixieishness. As for her skills in the sack, let’s just say that if she really was eighteen when this was made, I’d like to know when Joy first started fucking because she’s got the air of a seasoned industry pro although she’s clearly working the submissive fetishist angle. The ape who’s servicing her is rather off-putting however, thanks to him occasionally stopping to throttle the poor girl during the otherwise quite hot sex; it’s clear that the guy isn’t really hurting her, but there are times when the look on Joy’s face shifts from turned on to just a bit scared, and I like my sex and violence to be mutually exclusive, finding harm to women a complete hard-off, so when that stuff happens I hit the fast forward button until I see the gorilla’s mitts are away from Joy’s throat. The rest of the video doesn’t feature any of that rough stuff, so I have to ask why the filmmakers opted to include choking play in the vid's opening vignette.

The other sequence of note involves a sort-of-homely redhead dubbed “Freckles” that my friend who showed me 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 in the first place and I are convinced is probably part Native American and from somewhere in Canada, thanks to her features and accent. Actually, I should say “normal looking” rather than homely, because Freckles has a contagious smile and she seems like a very pleasant sort. She also finds herself on the receiving end of a partner gifted with impressive stamina who gives her nether regions quite a workout, and that bit of Osh-Osh is worth the price of admission.

Another thing that fascinates me about 18 AND NASTY VOL. 10 is that while there is as much extreme closeup pink as is possible, the cameraman seems not to be bored by placing his lens mere inches away from his subject’s steaming snapper, but is instead as happily mesmerized by the pussies of the actresses as a marine biologist is by a particularly stunning specimen of Nudibranch.

The Nudibranch: an undulating and rather labial-looking deep sea wonder.

I adore the lovely visual of the vulva, up close and personal, in fine art or in adult entertainment, so it was refreshing to see a videographer who seemed genuinely interested from an appreciative and admiring point of view, rather than that of the jaded pornographer who sees the Good Place as naught more than a holster to be distended and distorted like a fistful of Silly Putty. This guy loves the pussy and it shows, and for that reason alone I was more than happy to buy the DVD.

So if you’re looking for substance, you won’t find it here. But if you’re down for a parade of hot chicks with their junk so close to the camera that you’d swear you could taste it, this is definitely worth your time.

Oh, and in case you're wondering why there are no pics to show you the aforementioned Joy and Freckles, let me tell you how disappointed I am not to have found a single image of either one, except for those found on the grainy packaging (see below).

Joy's the bent-over brunette at the bottom, and Freckles is topless and in white undies over the central figure's left shoulder. If any of you out there can direct me toward better shots of them, by all means write in!