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Friday, August 08, 2008


Well, due to the events of this evening I officially announce my mission to take a break from the majority of women in my life. Ladies, you're all wonderful for a million reasons, but I'm tired of "just being friends." I need a lover, PRONTO, and hanging out with lovely, intelligent women whom I'm not getting any righteous Osh-Osh from just ain't meeting my needs. So with that in mind, I declare myself off limits for the weekend. I will not be an emotional tampon or an old comfy couch, so with the clearly stated exceptions of Suzi and Jewish Warrior Princess I don't wanna know ya until Monday. And I've taken Friday off, so fuck it.

Sometimes a humble can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup can be a suitable salve.


Jared said...

It's your own fault for not being aloof and insensitive like a real man.

Anonymous said...

Beat 'em, cheat on 'em and make 'em support your lazy ass/ drug habit/ X-Box addiction/ whatever. That's a time-tested way to utter feminine devotion!