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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

PORN TITLE OF THE WEEK!

NOTE: I may be on vacation but vigilance on the ridiculous porn front must be maintained, so here's the latest.

This one's notable not so much for its title, but for its conceptual lunacy. While porn has parodied damn near every movie and TV series since Day One, who thought HAPPY DAYS would make good fodder for a skin flick? Seriously, did any of you out there at any point while watching the adventures of Richie, Potsie, Ralph and the Fonz ever imagine them in fifties-era scenarios involving them slipping the one-eyed milkman to nymphomaniacs in poodle skirts and saddle shoes? Seriously, did any of you out there at any point while watching the adventures of Richie, Potsie, Ralph and the Fonz ever imagine them in fifties-era scenarios involving them slipping the one-eyed milkman to nymphomaniacs in poodle skirts and saddle shoes? The only character on HAPPY DAYS I did have impure thoughts about was a one-shot guest, a tall girl who went on a date to a costume party with a reluctant (and incredibly stupid) Richie and he wasn't into her because she was considerably taller than him. I dunno about you, but I would have loved a taste of her, especially if she kept her Statue of Liberty costume on during the fleshly revelry...

But I digress...

Whatever the reason, we now have the unimaginatively-titled THIS AIN'T HAPPY DAYS, designed, I guess, for dudes who wish to "shake hands with the unemployed" while imagining themselves to be a randy Arthur Fonzarelli, clad only on a leather motorcycle jacket, deep in the midst of making a woman out of teenage Joanie. (I'd rather imagine Joanie to be the neighborhood slutty-but-nice girl, but that's just my take on this concept.)

Just as conceptually bankrupt as the title of this mess are the utterly uninspired tag lines found on the packaging. The front incorporates the title and comes up with "You'll Be Hoppin, Boppin' and Cock-Rockin' With THIS AIN'T HAPPY DAYS," while the back treats us to "Watch America's favorite 1950's go from wholesome to horny in this rockin' sex romp!" Yeah, whatever. I bet this DVD doesn't even make concessions to historical accuracy and feature actresses with bushes like Rhododendrons (I've seen plenty of 1950's porn, so I know of which I speak; even legendary Bettie Page had a major, jet black poodle-pelt). So, as Richie would no doubt say, "Sit on it, Bucko!!!"

5 comments:

Deacon Blue said...

Let's just hope they don't come up with a "Laverne & Shirley" themed sequel. That's a pretty horrifying set of imagery there, from the use of milk and pepsi to any three-way between ANY of those characters.

Anonymous said...

I'm tempted just for the possibility of Mrs. C tapping the Fonz in his apartment above the garage.

Mel

Bunche said...

There's an actual blloper from the real HAPPY DAYS in which Marion Ross in full Mrs. C gear is seen leaving the Fonz's above-the-garage apartment, looking disheveled and buttoning up her house dress, satisfied smile on her face, and she stops to fondly blow and throw a kiss to the Fonz's door. During all of this, the behind-the-camera crew can be heard laughing their asses off.

Bunche said...

Excuse me, that should read "blooper."

Chuck Cunningham said...

There's a whole series of these "This ain't..." porn titles from Hustler featuring nostalgic TV and films as "inspiration" (one of the latest being "This Ain't Star Trek XXX"). And I wholeheartedly agree that the genre has gotten lazy with their titles (Where are the "Sperms of Endearment"???!)

Also from the same blooper reel as mentioned above—Mrs. C and The Fonz engage in a little extracurricular activity whilst the rest of the crew tries to complete the scene. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9w-msjhQlQ