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Wednesday, December 05, 2018


"Ho, ho, ho," indeed!

This year I finally sprung for a straight copy of SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964) — as opposed to the admittedly hilarious MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 and RIFFTRAX versions (which I already have) — and I'm glad I ordered the ordinary DVD edition. It's out on remastered Blu-Ray but that would be like getting PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE or ROBOT MONSTER in a hi-def and remastered format. What would be the point? I grew up with crappy prints of SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS and the faded print quality, scratches on the film, and the film abruptly opening after the theme song has begun, all of which only adds to its legendary crap-tasticness, and I'm glad to say that the DVD that I bought has all of those shoddy elements intact. I bought it with the intention to run it as this year's holiday feature for the weekly bad movie night at my friend Lexi's and threw it into my player to see how it looks, and I've found myself having left it on as welcome background noise. 

It's utter garbage and features the screen debut of '80's softcore legend Pia Zadora (at age 8 as girl Martian "Girmar"), so if you somehow missed it during your misspent childhood, get your hands on a copy immediately. It's perfect for Christmas gatherings that involve good friends, adult libations in abundance, and illegal smokables. HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION.

Saturday, December 01, 2018


That feel-good moment when doing errands in the rain on Park Slope's 5th Avenue, running into a pack of very drunk 20-something white boys loudly singing the Misfits' "Some Kinda Hate," and surprising the shit out of them by joining them in song. They looked at me, a 5' 10" bald black dude in birth control glasses like I was an alien god that had stepped out of a psychedelic UFO, and one of them smiled as he exclaimed, "Righteous, dude!" while flashing the horns. Proof to me that there is still hope for this nation's youth.