ON THE LOOSE AT DRAGON CON 2010!!!-Part 3

9/4-Day Two.

Just like the night before the con proper began, the night of the first day was marked by unbearably loud partying punctuated by screaming and broken glass, all generated by the incredibly inebriated con-goers and the gaggle of testosterone-driven college football fans who were present. From what I witnessed, all participants were of at least legal drinking age, but the behavior I beheld would have shamed a bunch of kids out drinking Purple Jesus punch at a suburban backyard booze-up while mom and dad were away for the weekend.

Following a second night of inconsideration-induced sleep deprivation, I roused myself with a refreshing shower and set my sights on attending the morning's MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 panel. I had about an hour and a half to kill beforehand, so I went down to the Hyatt Regency's breakfast buffet and was delighted to once again experience my single favorite thing about the American South: the deadly and delicious culinary fare. What awaited me at the buffet was an orgy of high-calorie, cholesterol-laden sumptuousness that included grits, thick-cut bacon, freshly sizzled sausages, omelets (made to order while you watched), hash browns, scrambled eggs, and the almighty biscuits smothered in sausage gravy. All of this could be had for $16.95, and it was all-you-can-eat, so I put together an obscenity of a humongous breakfast that kept me full, fueled and on the go for the next ten hours with no need to snack.

The incredible heart attack breakfast that fueled me for the day. I went back for another the following morning.

While enjoying my delicious festival of pork, eggs and artery-clogging gravy, I watched as the early-risers among the cosplaying guests made their way to the nearby (cheaper) coffee shop to grab a bite and some caffeine. Much to my fannish delight, I spotted a woman who had painted herself from head-to-toe as Marvel's Tigra, a character I had never before seen enacted in the flesh, let alone done so successfully.

The impressive cosplayed Tigra the Were-Woman.

After breakfast, I made my way down to one of the Hyatt's lecture halls and got on line for the MST3K panel. The line was already pretty long for how early it was, and it only got longer once I took my place on it. But before I took my place in line I perused the waiting fans and I'm very glad I did, because right near the front of the line was a woman in a dead-on Mr. B Natural getup.

Mr. B natural strikes again!

While awaiting entry to the panel, my location allowed for what amounted to a crossroads where costumed attendees filed by in droves, and the prepared photo safari chronicler found himself in the midst of geekery gold. For example:

Static and Hawkgirl (after she was booted from the Justice League and took to the sweats in lieu of her masked uniform).

DRAWN TOGETHER's Foxxy Love.

Jake and Elwood.

A wonderful mashup of several characters played by Johnny Depp. (Ed Wood is conspicuously absent, but an Angora sweater over all of this would have been a bit much.)

The Cult of Scott Bakula represents while a bemused Deadpool looks on.

Speaking of Deadpool, I may hate the character but how could I not love this? The woman in the football player position with the severed head just cracks me up.

It's Squirrel Girl, perhaps Steve Ditko's wackiest creation (and that's saying something).

Golden and Silver Age Green Lanterns and Power Girl: sheer badassery.

Alpha Flight's Vindicator and Snowbird. Exceptionally well done!

When we were finally admitted into the panel's auditorium, I was delighted to find that either end of the stage was adorned with actual props of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot that were used on MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000. The close proximity of the actual puppets proved too much to resist for us fannish shutterbugs, so we got in close and snapped away.

Tom Servo...

...and Crow T. Robot, in the "flesh."

I supposed I should have expected it, but I have to admit to being surprised by the turnout for the panel. Within ten minutes of the hall being opened, the place was packed with hardcore Misties.

The panel was basically a history of the show as recounted by the cast, most of whom also pulled double duty as writers. The show is renowned for its side-splitting "riffing" at the expense of a legion of bad movies, and it was a trip to witness the gang's rapid-fire repartee happen live and off the cuff. All of the show's key players were in attendance, with the exception of head writer and second host, Mike Nelson, which did kind of bum me out because — here come the derisive comments — I'm the rare MST3K fan who prefers Mike to series creator and first host, Joel Hodgson (which is not to say that Joel isn't also hilarious in his own right).

Most of the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 gang.

One of the main reasons I wanted to attend this year's Dragon Con was to meet the MST3K crew, but most especially Kevin Murphy, the second puppeteer and voice of Tom Servo and also the actor who most profoundly defined the character for nine years. I waited for the panel to be over and stuck around like some Stagedoor Johnny, hoping to meet Murphy, and my patience was rewarded.

Yer Bunche and the one and only Kevin Murphy.

When I got to meet Kevin Murphy, I told him how much I loved Servo as a character and just how indelible his performance was. I also told him that he was my favorite of the cast and that he was the one celeb I wanted to meet most of all who were at this year's show. Murphy proved to be gracious and totally down to earth, clearly appreciative of his fans, and I consider it an honor to have met him.

As I left the auditorium, I saw encountered a considerable line for a STAR WARS panel that was about to commence, and on that line I saw my pal Hunter Taylor — whom I met at last year's show, along with Luke Boone, who was unfortunately absent this time around — and his friend Josh Whitehead as Captain Hammer and Dr. Horrible.

It's fans and fellow geeks like these who give me hope for the youth of America, but unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to hang with them and share my benevolent corrupting influence.

After that I wandered the con, snapping pics of any and all cosplayers and celebs of note. Honestly, I think this year's efforts at costuming were more impressive than ever. Judge for yourself:

The best of the many Zatannas.

A superb Gandalf the White.

One of the many original creations on stilts.

Black Lantern Aquaman.

Black Aquaman ("Blaquaman?).

Ming the Merciless, whom I first saw last year. With a costume this good, one has every right to break it out two years in a row.

Two excellent Time Lords.

Said Ming the Merciless: "Screw fezzes! Collars are cool!"

Amanda Conner signs for a fan.

I wish this shot weren't out of focus, but you know someone's a dedicated Thor fan when they have themselves tattooed not only with Mjolnir, but also with its inscription.

I just love the pint-sized Green Hornet and Kato (and their bemused sister).

An excellent Bullseye and Silver Sable.

Another Zatanna.

Oh, yeeeeeaaaah! Kool Aid smash!!!

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT may be gone, but it hasn't been forgotten by this zaftig young lady.

An exceptional old school Catwoman (who the previous day enacted Donna Troy to equally excellent effect) and the dark version of Mary Marvel. Not a damn thing wrong with this.

From out of nowhere, a blast from the past: Rachelle, mutual friend of myself and Jewish Warrior Princess.

The awesome Sabrina Pandora, a friend I met last year through Amanda, seen here rocking her Zatanna. Sabrina's twelve shades of fun and I wish we lived closer to each other so we could hang out.

Mary Marvel, caught in the act of perusing Amanda's sketchbook.

Mutants in the house: the Scarlet Witch and the White Queen.

Fun with Catwoman while awaiting my turn at the George Perez Heroes Alliance benefit sketching.

My original George Perez sketch of the one and only Donna Troy, aka Wonder Girl.

The two aspects of Mary Marvel: the "good" and the "bad."

An excellent Mole Man.

Q walks to floor of Artists Alley.

This nametag just cracked me the hell up.

Tallulah Black and Jonah Hex, with their scribe, Brooklyn's own Jimmy Palmiotti.

With Darwyn Cooke, who provided art for one of the current JONAH HEX run's most memorable issues. (When I was done reading it, I called up JImmy to yell at him for putting Tallulah Black through yet more horrific shit. Hasn't the poor woman been through enough?)

The Vertigo iteration of Shade the Changing Man.

Super-talented Zatanna illustrator (and Frenchman on the loose) Stephane Roux.

The best of the con's many Captain Americas. Check out the attitude on this three-year-old! (He got out of his stroller to pose for the shot.)

An excellent interpretation of Hawkgirl.

Representing in the name of old school STAR TREK's mirror universe I totally get, but THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE, perhaps the very worst Disney animated feature of the past twenty years? Seriously? Or is that the gag? His costume is very good, though.

A zaftig Wednesday Addams, with Thing.

This one speaks for itself.

Another character given new life when handled by writer Gail Simone: Lady Blackhawk.

I really like the character (plus to say nothing of the woman portraying her), so please forgive the multiple images.

I'm glad to see women showing A CLOCKWORK ORANGE some love in recent years, but it does strike me as odd to see said women dressed up as sociopathic rapists.

Gotham City on the streets of Atlanta.

The Golden Age Green Lantern (who was in from Australia) and the pre-Phoenix Jean Gray.

Frog, from the video game CHRONO TRIGGER.

Red Robin and Batman chow down.

'70's cartoon icons Jayna and Zann, the Wonder Twins. (To those who know my friend Lexi: don't you want to see Lex in a Jayna outfit? I know I do...)

TO BE CONTINUED

HE BEAT THE PODS: R.I.P. KEVIN McCARTHY (1914-2010), THE MAN WHO WARNED US ABOUT THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS

"They're here already! You're next! You're next! YOU'RE NEXT!!!"

A long time ago, when I was somewhere around four, my mother began a program of indoctrinating me into the old sci-fi and horror movies that she loved. This was 1969, so I'm talking about THE CLASSICS of those genres, and I ate that stuff up like it was ambrosia. There were of course some so-so or even outright bad examples to be had (THE VULTURE and KILLERS FROM SPACE immediately come to mind), but the one genuine landmark from that early crash course that has stuck with me ever since is the original INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1956). You see, at that early age I had already begun to suss out that I was kind of weird and that my individuality was something to be treasured, so that classic story of Californian doctor Miles Bennell taking what pretty much amounted to a one-man stand against a sinister and subtle takeover of his hometown by emotionless, body-duplicating seed pods from outer space really spoke to me (and not just because I lived in California in those years). INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS taught me early that my individuality and identity were worth fighting to preserve, with death being the preferable option to placid, joyless oneness with a collective mentality.

Portraying Dr. Bennell was Kevin McCarthy, and thanks to that performance I never forgot his name or face and a small part of me thrilled whenever I saw him in subsequent film or television roles. In fact, so strong was the impression left on the general public by his performance in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS that he has forever been burned into our collective movie-watching memory as the tortured doctor who loses all of his friends, his community and the woman he loves to the silent takeover, eventually to be last seen famously stumbling among cars entering and exiting the town of Santa Mira while he screams what appears to be the cautionary rantings of an utter madman. Therein lay the strength of that story's punchline: we knew for a fact that Dr. Bennell was absolutely anything but crazy, but who in their right mind would have believed him? That ending was considered waaaaay too bleak by the studio heads at the time, so a new prologue and ending were created that showed Bennell recounting his story to an examiner at a clinic after being picked up by the police; following the meat of the story, the epilogue shows the examiner understandably not buying Bennell's account, but then word comes in of an overturned truck that was leaving Santa Mira...a truck loaded with seed pods of the type described by Bennell.

McCarthy's slowly escalating borderline madness is quite intense and impossible to overlook when citing the signature performances in the genre, and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS can often be found on "Top Ten" lists regarding the best in horror and science-fiction, with McCarthy being singled out for kudos (along with Don Siegel's taut direction). If you've never seen it, I strongly urge you to check out the original INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS as soon as possible. I'm betting that you will also never be able to forget McCarthy's work in it once experienced.

SUNDAY'S PORN DAY!

I'll get back to the Dragon Con recap tomorrow because today is Sunday and as we all know — say it with me — "Sunday's porn day!!!" So let's start out with something relatively mild.

FOOT FETISH DAILY 2, presumably a sequel that's vital for answering all the unanswered questions left over from its pedally-oriented precursor.

Yes, it's PLUSH & PLUGGED, for fans of the plus-size ladies.

The tag line about "stuffing their holes" is a bit artless, but at least the gal in question is pretty.

This one is something I would have loved to have seen handled by Toho, the studio that gave us Godzilla in the first place.

Just picture Big G in mortal combat against a gigantic alien ass in the middle of downtown Tokyo... Hey, it would have been better than GODZILLA VS. SPACE GODZILLA (1994), plus it's "monster butt certified," a sure mark of quality.

When modern consumer technology meets porn, you can get idiocy like this:

Yes, you read that right. "TWITTER MY SHITTER." What the fuck does that even mean?

Rockabilly is great and horny hillbilly chicks are a beloved part of Americana, so why not combine the two for a skin flick?

That need has been serviced with the release of FUCKABILLY, a no-brainer title that's so stupid it's brilliant.

Wouldn't it have made more sense to just call this THE XXX TEAM?

Marvel Comics fans, is it just me, or does this look like Emma Frost finally said "Fuck this" to Xavier's academy and answered her true calling as a porn star?

Seriously, I would pay to see a porn flick starring the White Queen, and you know you would too.

Cribbing from ancient mythology, the trope of a horny immortal on the loose is given the tenderloin treatment. I'm sure it most likely bites the big one, but I may have to check this one out.

I have no idea what the fuck this apparent period piece is supposed to be about, but I certainly hope that Great Dane is not one of the performers, if ya know what I mean...

I don't know whether to find this one amusing or sad.

I hope the real Lindsay gets her shit together someday...

In the redundant department is this porn parody of FLAVA OF LOVE.

If not for the restrictions of the FCC, the actual show this is based on would count as full-on porn, so what was the point of this?

It's pretty obvious that this next one was inspired by Tim Burton's take on Lewis Carroll, and I can think of few things that fill me with less of an urge to "drive stick and crash the yogurt truck."

I would, however, very much like to see Alice and some chick made up to look like the Chesire Cat feast on each other's pink delights until their ears bled.

This would have been a perfect cover if the "HD" label didn't cover up dad's ass.

Be that as it may, the tag line of "Teenage Girls Lick Asshole Like Ice Cream" is a classic.

I've always said that women with glasses are hot, and I'm glad to see that there are apparently enough folks out there who feel the same way, so much so that there's the SHOT GLASSES series to cater to the needs of four-eyes fanciers.

The allure of white chicks facing monster black genitalia never gets old, and this cover image blends the emotions of awe and horror on the actress' face to almost cartoonish effect.

Trust me when I tell you that the rhododendron-like bush sported by this actress matched her impressively-ethnic cranial mane.

And lastly, here's the week's winner for best/most ridiculous title:

Yes, it's WAR ON A RACK, a title that my girlfriend declared as being "so wrong that it's almost right."

NINE YEARS LATER

Today is the day to remember the dead and while doing just that this classic John Berkey movie poster comes to mind:

If only a battle with a gigantic ape had been the worst thing to happen at the World Trade Center...

Anyway, take the time today to remember. And never forget to make love, not war. For all our sakes.

ON THE LOOSE AT DRAGON CON 2010: AUTOGRAPH HOUNDING

One of my favorite things about attending cons is collecting autographed pics of various movie, TV and rock stars, some of whom were icons during my childhood. Many were familiar faces from daily syndicated TV reruns, some of whom I spent more time with than actual members of my own family, and that was not necessarily a bad thing. I didn't really get into collecting autographed photos until I reached my late-thirties, realizing that in many cases if I didn't get the autographs of my childhood favorites now, I would miss out on them due to the inevitable results of limited human mortality. The classic example of this was when I skipped getting Jonathan Harris — Dr. Smith from LOST IN SPACE, one of my all-time favorite over-the-top characters to this day — figuring, "Aah, I can get him next year," only to have him die some three weeks later. I learned my lesson from that instance and now seek to snag all the pertinent geeky autographed memorabilia I can before the objects of my interest join the Choir Invisible. As always, Dragon Con offered many opportunities for signatures and 8x10's — the least pricey starting at $25 and (from what I saw) topping out at $65 for Brandon Routh — and here are the fruits of my being an autograph hound this time around.

During my childhood, you were either into I DREAM OF JEANNIE or BEWITCHED, and I was very definitely in the Samantha Stephens camp. Samantha's comedic witchery still strikes me as hilarious, but I always found Jeannie's antics to be considerably more juvenile and I also objected to the whole "Yes, Master" thing (for obvious reasons). But as I got older I came to understand how Jeannie played into both male and female fantasies, a point finally driven home to my adult sensibilities a few weeks back when I watched the first episode of I DREAM OF JEANNIE on Hulu, the first time I'd seen it since probably 1974. It was a real eye-opener because the Jeannie of that first installment was extremely sexually aggressive for 1965, an aspect that was swiftly toned down, presumably to keep the show in line with Network Standards and Practices. That was a damned shame because I found that version of Jeannie very interesting, and I'm curious to see what the show would have evolved into if it had been allowed to continue un-neutered. Barbara Eden has always been undeniably hot and sexy, so it goes to show you how young I was when I was preferring Jeannie to Samantha; Elizabeth Montgomery's Samantha was certainly striking, but she didn't wear fantasy harem girl outfits and there was no sexual tension between her and Darrin because they were married in BEWITCHED's first episode, while Jeannie was very much a male fantasy brought to cartoonish life and indelibly portrayed by Eden. I totally get it now, so I had to snag Barbara Eden's autograph.

One thing I've learned over the years is that if you want to be certain of having a good picture of the star in question for autograph purposes, you'd damned well bring one you've obtained yourself because there's no guarantee that the photos available where the stars are signing will be any good. With that in mind, I obtained the photo seen above from a certain movie material store in Manhattan that I've shopped at for thirty years (but is sadly no longer up to its pre-1990's standards) and that move proved wise since what was available, while good, was not great. When Barbara Eden saw it she commented on how back in the days they sure knew how to take fun publicity shots, and I heartily agreed with her.

Billy West is one of America's preeminent voice actors and I've loved his work ever since his time as one of the daily fixtures on THE HOWARD STERN SHOW. Nowadays he's garnered a considerable cult following for his work on FUTURAMA as Fry and Dr. Zoidberg, so when I heard he was going to be at the con I put him on my short list of must-have autographs. When I met him I told him how much I enjoyed his work with Stern, particularly his hilarious Dr. Smith in "LOST IN SPACE 1990," and that commented unleashed a flood of reminiscences of his time on the show. But when I looked over the shots he had for autographs, I was somewhat taken aback by how bad the portraits of him were, as opposed to stills culled from FUTURAMA; the one's featuring West's face included a kinda creepy shot of his face with one of his FUTURAMA characters to his right (the choices included Fry, Zoidberg and Zap Brannigan), with both images superimposed onto a garish one-color background. They were laughably bad, but they were also so bad as to make me think they were intentionally awful, so after careful consideration I opted for the one of Billy and Zoidberg. When West signed it, the 8x10 underwent a magical transformation from merely ugly to a thing of hideous awesomeness:

Sporting a signature that suggests "Let's go eat some garbage," I now cherish this item and looked at it several times over the weekend, each viewing cracking me the fuck up. This one's getting framed so I can have it make me smile every day as I see it on the Vault's wall.

Also from FUTURAMA was John DiMaggio, who voices Bender Rodriguez, one of my all-time favorite robot characters and a walking violation of every one of Asimov's sacred laws of robotics.

Without a doubt the most genuine of the celebs I met this time around was Marc Singer, best known as The Beastmaster from the 1982 film of the same name (followed by sequels in 1991 and 1996).

At first I was not planning on buying one of his stills — though I'm a fan of barbarian/fantasy stuff, I was never totally crazy over THE BEASTMASTER — but then I watched as Singer came out from behind his signing table to speak with two very young kids, dropping to his knees so he would be at an almost comparable eye level with them and asking them about themselves, what their interests were and what they wanted to be when they grew up. The rapt kids told him everything and Singer warmly listened and encouraged them in their ambitions before sending them off with free autographed pics. When the kids left I told Singer that I'd worked with kids back in the days and he would have been a natural. I also told him how he clearly respected the kids as human beings, taking the opposite tack of many adults who talk down to children, and how much I appreciated such kindness. Singer then looked at me and recounted the story of a location shoot he was on where a local little girl showed up and drew a picture of one of his co-stars. The actors and crew were charmed by the kid's drawing and they all praised her for her efforts, which she was clearly thrilled by. But then her mom showed up, saw what was going on and scornfully said, "Whadda we have here? An artist?" Singer said all of the kid's enthusiasm was crushed and he saw all the joy drain from her, so ever since he has done all he can to encourage kids in their artistic pursuits. That is what I call completely excellent, and as a result I will always have a kind word for Marc Singer.

Next is Marta Kristen, aka Judy Robinson from LOST IN SPACE.

When it came to the girls on that show, I was more of a Penny man — Penny (Angela Cartwright) during Season Three was a study in post-adolescent brunette hotness — but Judy definitely caused "stirrings" in many of her young fans back in the days. Nowadays Kristen is sixty-five, but she has had not a trace of plastic surgery and is smokin' hot. A total Norwegian-born GMILF.

If you've seen BLUE VELVET, you'll never forget Dean Stockwell as Ben, that creepy motherfucker who lip-synchs Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" into a floor lamp, one of my favorite moments of '80's cinema.

Stockwell was there to sign for QUANTUM LEAP and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and had no shots from BLUE VELVET, so I'm glad I brought my own. When he saw it he let out a laugh and showed it to Scott Bakula, who said "You're scaring me..."

Here's Josh Elvis Weinstein, the original voice and puppeteer of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000's Tom Servo. All of the merch that he and his fellow MST3K alums brought sold out out the previous night, so it was a good thing that A.C. gave me this magazine article for him to sign at the big MST3K panel.

Here's Kelly Lebrock as Lisa, perhaps the ultimate male fantasy made flesh in the '80's classic WEIRD SCIENCE.

Lebrock was notorious in recent years for having put on a lot of weight, but I'm here to tell you that she's shed the excess poundage and looks terrific.

Unfortunately best known as Chakotay on the horrendous STAR TREK: VOYAGER, Robert Beltran is a criminally-underrated actor who starred in two of my all-time favorite comedies, EATING RAOUL and SCENES FROM THE CLASS STRUGGLE IN BEVERLY HILLS (this shot is from the latter film).

For reasons unknown, SCENES FROM THE CLASS STRUGGLE IN BEVERLY HILLS is not available on DVD and even Beltran had no idea why it's nowhere to be found. That's a damned shame because it's an unsung gem that's waiting to be rediscovered.

Here's Phil LaMarr of MAD TV and the voice of Green Lantern John Stewart on the excellent JUSTICE LEAGUE cartoons. A real nice guy and loads of fun to talk with.

And of course Brent Spiner as the one and only Data.

Spiner continued the trend of the STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION actors whom I've met being very engaging and great to their fans, and he seemed like a pretty cool dude.