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Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Remember "Sukihoshi?" Well thanks to a situation that took place recently with her significant other, she felt compelled to pen the following words of advice for all who are willing to read them and gave her blessing for me to post it here. And now, the musings of Sukihoshi:

Yes, I am now a victim of pornographic disrespect. I, who was almost a porn “actress”—if my boyfriend had chosen to appear with me, I would’ve been in one of those “Dirty Debutantes” er, films. And now, here it is, ten years later, and my boyfriend, a new one (like I’m going to keep that other one around, right?) says “Your legs are long, baby, but those girls in the Andrew Blake movie, their legs were up to here—whew!”

“Camera angles,” I thought back at him. Everyone was shot at a low angle in that movie. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to seem “insecure.” I am a woman. Of course I am insecure. Even the most beautiful women in Hollywood movies look at their daily coverage—film shot that day—to make sure they look good. That’s the way it goes.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love dirty movies. First of all, they make the whole erotic experience last longer. I have met very few men who didn’t have the decency to wait until after the film was over to “finish.” Secondly, people are voyeurs by nature: why do you think we love to see people fall in love or beat each other up in movies or on television? A little smut can make an evening extra hot.

But it’s also a minefield: a lot of men won’t watch porn with their girlfriends for this very reason. They’re afraid that if they get too excited about some other woman on screen, their partner will throw a fit. They’re right, but there are some simple steps to watching porn with your loved one and keeping everyone happy.

Navigating the minefield:
1. Don’t be too vocal. If a performer onscreen excites you, don’t yell out “My god, she is so hot!” Your girl probably assumes everyone in the movie turns you on. Why rub it in?
2. If you are really that excited, take it out on your partner. You have to include that person anyway, or she’ll wonder why she’s even there. This way you’ll both be glad you’re watching.
3. Make fun of the people in the movie, and talk down any performer possible. It’s always a good laugh and massages all egos.
4. Remember that lighting and camera angles do a lot to add appeal to these lovely performers.
5. If you sense your partner is still feeling insecure, remind her that these people are seasoned professionals—like an athlete with a specialized um, body type and skill set. Comparing “real” people to them is like comparing office workers to football players.

Oh, yeah. Never compare your lover negatively with anyone in a dirty movie. Unless you want to spend your porno and beer money on flowers and candy for a week.

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