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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

THE SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK SCHADENFREUDE MACHINE THUNDERS ON

The schadenfreude machine that is SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK thunders on, like some implacable Brontosaurus on a cocaine binge. Help has been brought in and yet more fine tuning and delays are in the offing, and the details can be read in the online edition of THE NEW YORK TIMES. Again I call for simply facing reality and shutting the goddamned thing down. This shit has gone way past ridiculous.

Oh, and in what may be the most incredible piece of meta-commentary on this whole mess, there's actually another Spider-Man musical in progress entitled SPIDER-MAN SMACKDOWN, possessing literally a budget of $0, that fully intends to open on the night before the real Broadway show has its proper opening. Or rather it will if the real musical is not pushed back for the umpteenth time, which seems a distinct likelihood in the wake of the latest developments. For information on this zero-budget bit of snarky nose-thumbing, check out the article over at TOPLESS ROBOT.

REX HAVOC AND THE ASSKICKERS OF THE FANTASTIC: "THE SPUD FROM ANOTHER WORLD!" (1984 #5, Februrary 1979)

Cover to 1984 #5 (February 1979)

Here's the second of the four REX HAVOC stories. Enjoy!














More tomorrow!

Monday, February 21, 2011

A FORGOTTEN GEM: "REX HAVOC AND THE ASSKICKERS OF THE FANTASTIC" (1984 #4, 0ct. 1978)

1984 #1 (June 1978)

The late, great Warren Publishing issued several classic, long-running comics/geek-related periodicals — most notably CREEPY, EERIE, VAMPIRELLA and the venerable FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND — but they also put a number of lesser-known magazines and one-shots, many of which were of middling-to-dubious quality at best. One such of those was 1984 (June 1978-December 1979, then changing its name to 1994 and running from February 1980-February 1983, for a total run of twenty-nine issues), a more "adult" magazine than its contemporaries in its embarrassing attempt to ape the then-new HEAVY METAL, only considerably less sexually explicit. Overall, 1984 featured about the standard level of artwork that allowed Warren to thrive for nearly two decades of well-deserved critical acclaim, but even work by the likes of José Ortiz, Richard Corben (perhaps my very favorite cartoonist of all time), Alex Niño and Esteban Maroto could not mask the fact that most of the scripts were embarrassingly juvenile crap that at times seemed to have been scribed by a not-very-bright adolescent boy stuck in after-school detention. In other words, a gilded turd is still nonetheless a turd.

1984 #2 (August 1978), the first issue I ever read. The cover perfectly sums up the magazine's level of wit and "adult" sophistication.

But if one were willing to sift through the considerable dross found in 1984's pages, one might chance upon the occasional gem. For my money, the best thing to ever grace the magazine was a four-installment series called REX HAVOC AND THE ASSKICKERS OF THE FANTASTIC, written by Jim Stenstrum and drawn by Abel Laxamana, and it was basically a very funny precursor to the likes of the Ghostbusters, only with more balls-out absurdity and silliness (and cussing, since this was an "adult" magazine, let us not forget). Fun on a bun, especially for all of us "monster kids," the Rex Havoc stories gained a very minor cult reputation and three of the four stories were compiled in WARREN PRESENTS #14 (November 1981) as REX HAVOC: RAIDERS OF THE FANTASTIC, a pointless, feeble and totally unrelated attempt to cash in on the then-new RAIDERS OF THE THE LOST ARK.

One of the most embarrassing cash-in attempts I've ever seen.

Anyway, the individual issues of 1984 and the ludicrous RAIDERS special can be a tad pricey on the collector's market, I've dug out the complete run of the series from the depths of the Vault and will be running them over the next few days, strictly for the enjoyment of those who have not previously had the pleasure of reading them. Oh, and by way of a disclaimer, all of this material is the property of Warren Publications or whoever may hold the rights at the moment. And with that, here's our first installment, from 1984 #4 (October 1978). Double-click on the images to embiggen; once you do that there should also be a magnifying tool to facilitate it even further.

1984 #4 (October 1978). While other series and stories from this magazine occasionally were showcased on the cover, REX HAVOC never was. The publishers just didn't know what they had.










More tomorrow!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

BLACK WIDOW GONE WILD

Thanks to Joe for alerting me to this!

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (2010)-UNRATED

When it was announced there would be a remake of the Mier Zarchi's infamous 1978 rape/revenge grindhouse classic — which, for better or worse, it definitely qualifies as — the first thing to come to my mind was "Why?!!?" There was little that could be done to top the original in terms of depicting the very personal horrors of a backwoods gang rape and the vengeance it spurs other than to shoot it with a decent budget, quality camerawork/cinematography, and better performances from the cast, so what was the point? I know that practically every film under the sun has been remade or is in the works for such treatment, but again I ask, why remake a film that's a veritable Chernobyl of negative energy? The only ready answer that I had before seeing it was that the filmmaker's sought to cash in on the name recognition of the original, but there's considerably more going on here than I initially assumed. I wrote on the original I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE a few years back and I ask you to go here to read it. And before we proceed any further, be advised: HERE THERE BE SPOILERS.

Southern anti-hospitality at its very worst.

The basic story is the same as the original: Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler), a writer from The Big City, rents a place in the backwoods — apparently Upstate New York in the original, Louisiana this time around — runs afoul of some incredibly foul lowlifes, gets agonizingly gang raped by said lowlifes, survives her ordeal and unleashes gruesome vengeance against her assailants. This time, however, the quality of the filmmaking is very far removed from the rather Paleolithic (though well-intentioned) results displayed in the 1978 version. The remake is quite obviously the work of real cinematic craftsmen and displays a level of polish and style totally absent in Zarchi’s dire classic, which makes the shattering events depicted in it more agreeable to sit through. (While any depiction of gang rape is going to be hard to sit through simply by default, the original’s bargain basement qualities imbued it with an unwashed and squalid look and tone that at times felt to me like some scabrous hobo was forcibly shoving his dirtiest, most callused finger straight down my throat.) The visual style is somehow lush in presenting the stark isolation of the story’s Louisiana backwoods setting, and the desolation helps to plant the viewer firmly into its lonely reality.

And speaking of reality, there were several elements in the original that would not have allowed for willing suspension of disbelief in the 2000’s, and they are addressed quite deftly. We currently live in an age of cheap and very conveniently portable mass communication technology, which simply did not exist back in 1978, so our heroine would be equipped with a cell phone that would allow her to call for help. Or rather that would be the case if she were not seen accidentally dropping her cell phone into her cottage’s toilet early in the film. Also, if a crime of the kind that Jennifer endures and survives after being pretty much presumed dead (despite the considerable efforts of her filthy assailants), today there would be all manner of ways for law enforcement officers to bring Jennifer’s violators to justice (if justice could truly be provided by our justice system in the wake of the severity of the acts perpetrated), with DNA evidence matching immediately springing to mind. Thus it was necessary to add a fifth rapist to the scenario, namely the unspeakable Sheriff Storch (played with horrifically creepy gusto by Welsh actor Andrew Howard).

Andrew Howard as the vile Sheriff Storch.

Storch is the only police officer shown, and the area he allegedly polices is so remote that perhaps only one lawman is all it really requires. Too bad that despite him being seen to be a loving husband and father when not on duty, he’s worse than any criminal he’s likely to encounter because of his association with the pack of rapists, guys it’s made clear that he’s been friends with since they were kids, and his ability to inflict such grievous harm on an outsider reveals a sadistic sociopath who is allowed to wield lethal power by law. And by virtue of his training in the enforcement of said law, he knows all about how to cover up all trace of the crimes he and his pals commit, which makes him vital to them getting away with all of it.

And while we’re discussing rapist scum, it should be noted that the gang of redneck louts who plot the violation and (failed) murder of Jennifer includes a woman-hating Alpha male leader, a fairly nondescript follower, an overweight wielder of a video camera who fancies himself a budding cinematographer and voyeuristically captures the entire gang rape on tape, and a mentally handicapped repairman, whose virginal status is used by the Alpha male leader as an excuse to rape the city gal outsider. These guys are given a lot more in the way of developed personality that the louts found in the 1978 version, and that makes them that much more interesting and vile. The fiends in the original have little you can say about them as individuals other than that they are personification of the worst of male urges, in essence interchangeable ambulatory penises that utter dialogue. In the remake’s case we are afforded peeks into the quirks of the men as individuals and by allowing us to get to know what they’re like, an aspect that grants them an understandable (though totally evil and loathsome) humanity, and it is that knowing of them as something other than largely undefined cardboard cutouts that makes us hate them all the more. Especially Sheriff Storch, whose vicious misogyny and behavior are fascinatingly contrasted against what we see of his home life. He’s a self-proclaimed god-fearing churchgoer with a loving wife who’s about eight months pregnant and looks for all the world like a fertility goddess transplanted to the early twenty-first century, and he’s also got a sweet daughter of maybe nine years old whom he clearly dotes upon. The man is a completely different person as a husband and father, and is presumably likewise as a citizen and lawman, but when is a position to commit a great evil in support of his friends and joining in on their animalistic “fun,” he’s revealed as a law-breaking predator who preys upon the weak and isolated. If Jennifer went missing in his Podunk little town, it’s apparent that her disappearance would be noted by few, and the only locals who knew she was there are the sheriff, the gang of rapists, and the sweet old guy who rents her the cottage (the great Tracy Walter), so doing whatever the hell he and his buddies want to with Jennifer is as simple as pie to get away with, especially since disposing of her body would only require chucking her used and abused corpse into the alligator-infested river. Jennifer’s is the worst imaginable position to be in, and these filthy bastards know it and take full advantage of it, giving vent to their pent-up hatred of women and taking a joyous glee in doing so.

But, as was the case in the original, Jennifer does not take her assault like the whimpering victim the rapists anticipated, and when she throws herself off a bridge and into the alligator-infested river rather than be outright blasted to kingdom come by the sheriff’s pump-action shotgun, she survives, holes up in a deserted shack for a month and lives on whatever she can catch (including rats) while she uses her writer’s imagination to plot appropriately poetic vengeance that would have done the writers of the classic E.C. horror comics proud. This time around the script wisely does away with the idea of a woman who was so brutally abused luring her attackers to their doom by fucking them. It's not just her body that's been raped by these scum; Jennifer's basic humanity has been utterly taken from her, and as a result she is reborn as what is for all intents and purposes a monster. It’s a tragic rebirth as a fury every bit as savage and implacable as the variety found in classical Greek mythology. Each and every one of the rapists gets his in a very big way and, according to the director and producer’s commentary, their just desserts were so nasty that some of the audiences were so outraged by the severity of the retribution that they stated they began to feel sorry for the rapists. That was not the case with me as a viewer because of my simple belief in the mantra of “If you abuse with the Johnson, you lose the Johnson,” or some other form or punishment involving some form of medieval justice, and I found what they received to be gruesomely satisfying in every way.

So the bottom line on what at first seemed an unnecessary remake of a cruel ‘70’s exploitationer teeming with ultra-sadistic and seemingly pointless misogyny is that the 2010 I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is one very nasty and visceral motherfucker that I’m extremely shocked to have enjoyed. Yes, I enjoyed it, but then again I’m a fan of what I call “the cinema of vengeance,” and there are few examples in the genre as strong as this in every aspect. It’s easily the best of the current remake/re-imagining wave, and I highly recommend it to any and all who have the stones to handle it. And whatever you do, make sure to watch it with the director’s commentary after seeing it for the first time. Very interesting stuff.

YELLO'S "I LOVE YOU" (1983)-vinyl LP version

Here's a classic from the early 1980's, and this is the version from the original vinyl release. The one found on the CD reissue is a remix, so stick with this.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thursday, February 17, 2011

SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK TO RECEIVE A REWRITE?

I swear this show is the schadenfreude gift that just keeps on giving. According to this morning's NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, the producers of SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK are seeking a rewrite of the show's book, and the show opens in less than a month. Seriously, I hope someone has been keeping detailed behind-the-scenes notes on this cul de sac of a production, because that book would be one hell of a compelling chronicle of egos that are simply incapable of facing reality and conceding defeat. You can read the details here.

Reeve Carney (as Spider-Man) translates into interpretive dance how the producers of the show have basically fisted him and the rest of the musical's cast right up the ass without the benefit of Astroglide.

WONDER WOMAN CAST FOR TV PILOT

Actress Adrienne Palicki has apparently been cast as Wonder Woman in an upcoming TV pilot that "re-imagines" the character in ways that sound truly crap-tastic. You can read the details here, but I'll tell you right now that based on how the "re-imagining" is described I think this is going to be a complete and utter turd. And I've never seen a single episode of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS and I couldn't sit all the way through the pilot for the LOST IN SPACE reboot in which she was cast as Judy Robinson, so I have no idea who this actress is or if she's any good, but what I have discovered while looking at images of her to see if she's physically got what it takes to essay Diana of Themiscyra (she doesn't), I noticed that in certain shots she's kind of got a Matt Damon thing going on.

Adrianne Palicki, or Jason Bourne undercover?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

GIVING NEW MEANING TO "THE MAN OF STEEL"

This one just speaks for itself and I plan on checking it out soon for review purposes. Purely so I can comment from an informed point of view, of course...