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Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Recently I was asked by a friend what it is that I like in the women I find myself romantically involved with, since she was having a hard time putting a finger on my particular “type,” so I gave her a few cursory ideas but those answers really served to get me started thinking on the subject. I may have no “type,” but the women I find myself attracted to have certain traits that always get my attention.

Physically I am usually drawn to a voluptuous figure, be the lady short or tall; I’m a guy whose taste in such matters was formed by the pre-1980’s style of figure, namely women with some flesh on them. To be bluntly honest, I LOVE me some tits and ass and while I don’t look down on more athletic types, I like my ladies “built for comfort.” Too skinny looks unhealthier to me than zaftig, and when I see model-thin women my first instinct is to offer them a bowl or two of my own homemade comfort stew (I’ll post the recipe for the winter months; trust me, it’s delicious). Hey, I like to cook and I like to eat, so if you’re gonna be with me you’d better be prepared to put on a few! The smells that emanate from my kitchen are irresistible and you will definitely want to at least taste some of what’s cookin’, so just be forewarned. And yet I have dated a few willowy women, so go figure.

Along with the curves, I really love long hair, something that really completes a certain earth goddess feel, and I do tend to lean toward dark eyes. That may sound like I lean in a very narrow ethnic direction; that’s not the case, as I have dated all over the map and have no ethnic preference.

Looks are purely subjective, to say nothing of fleeting, so that’s low on my list of priorities. Hey, if you’re hot that’s great, but so-called storybook beauty is rare, so I prefer normal-looking women. I mean I’m no fucking prize, despite what the women who’ve actually told me that I’m hot have to say (Me? Hot? Ha! Who’da thunk?), so who am I to judge? I always thought I looked not unlike some crazed cartoon bear or toad as designed by Marten Toonder (look him up; the motherfucker could draw!).

Smart women really get me going, especially those whose brains share space with a sense of humor, the more absurd or ribald the better.

A strong personality with a certain fierce quality greatly appeals, and with that fierceness often comes a sense of comfort with her own sexuality, and that is a major turn on. Both of these qualities reveal a woman who is unafraid to be herself, and I believe in the whole attitude of “what you see is what you get;” it’s great to know what’s up going into a relationship, and there’s always a possibility for things to grow and evolve between both romantic participants, so there’s still room for surprises.

One potential stumbling block in compatibility is my love of all manner of kooky media, so I love it when I find a geek girl. These days there are many women out there who are proudly shameless about their fondness for animation, comic books, kung fu/horror/monster/gore/porn flicks, and I love you all, but the most difficult of my personal obsessions for all but one of the women I can think of to get past is my overriding love of truly bizarre music. Hey, I never said I was perfect…If you can enjoy — or at least tolerate — my interest in such sounds as the Legendary Stardust Cowboy, the Cramps, the Damned, Mercyful Fate, the Residents, and my beloved Devo, then you’re okay by me and have already earned one of my patented baby oil massages or a very long time with my face happily lapping betwixt your thighs. Your choice, and my pleasure.

And lastly, you’ve gotta love Halloween.


Anonymous said...

Wait a second, did someone put you up to writing all of that stuff about me? Is this one of those internet hoaxes?

Anonymous said...

She's not kidding. She just made me read this and it is her.

Anonymous said...

Betwixt my legs? I almost feel horny after reading that, but that "betwixt" is too darned funny-looking a word not to make me laugh about the thought. But it's *almost* sexy ;-)