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Monday, February 28, 2011


My girl Natalie Portman took home the Oscar yesterday for her delirious/creepy performance in the excellent BLACK SWAN, proving that there is occasionally justice shown in the awards show's annual results. However, though I'm quite pleased with her Oscar win, I just wish she'd said the following during her acceptance speech:

"I would like to take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom of my soul for my participation in those shitty STAR WARS prequels. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking?!!? I would have better served my career by appearing in an 8mm porno reel shot in a Tijuana basement with closeups of me shoving a freeze-dried iguana up my snatch on a stained, sheetless mattress. Please, please forgive me. I am now off to scourge myself with barbed wire in the desert for fourteen years. Thank you."

Would have been the best Oscars moment ever.


Will said...

That's OK young lady, if you want to make it up to me doing full frontal in your next movie would be just fine. or "lose" a sex tape, post baby of course I'm not that kind of freak

Hellbilly said...

Well, to be fair, with the Star Wars prequels, neither Portman, nor MacGregor, nor any of the otherwise excellent actors knew what they were getting into. Such a pity, since it was as fine a cast as fans could have asked for.

I hated Reznor's score for "Social Network", which I also thought was absurdly over-rated movie. Hans Zimmer's score to "Inception" was the best thing about it, and one of his best scores in a very long list of greats.