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Tuesday, October 18, 2016


Yes, you really are seeing this.

In the 1850's a Native American community was massacred in order to make room for white men who were caught up in Gold Rush fever, and their shaman called upon Skookum, their god of vengeance, to settle the score. Skookum unleashed spirit Great White sharks that swam through the snow and devoured their enemies, and now, in the year of 2013, they are back and just as ravenous as ever.

Apparently made to cash in on the already ludicrous SHARKNADO phenomenon, AVALANCHE SHARKS gives us everyone's favorite marine carnivores and moves them to the slopes of a ski resort, where they spend eighty-two minutes munching on twenty-somethings who are obnoxious enough but too old to be the cast of any given FRIDAY THE 13th installment. And while all of that's going on, the filmmakers even manage to rip off JAWS by throwing in a mayor who doesn't want to close the resort because it would curtail seasonal profits.

The vengeance of Skookum.

Now, I've seen some stupid movies in my time, but the idea of sharks rampaging at a ski resort is certainly something new and extra-stupid, so my hat is off to AVALANCHE SHARKS for that, if for no other reason. It's competently made and entertaining enough to hold the viewer's attention, but there's a ton of ultra-boring padding before things get bloody, and when things do get crazy, the gore and mayhem are as cheap and cheesy as possible.

JAWS this ain't. Hell, it ain't even LAST SHARK!

WHILE the SHARKNADO movies entertain because of their towering intentional stupidity, AVALANCHE SHARKS gives it the old college try but only manages to come off as a tepid time-waster. For shark completists only, this is a novel and goofy concept that swiftly fizzles out once one is over the basic setup's joke. You miss little if you skip this one.

Oh, and while there is an avalanche, it really has nothing whatsoever to do with the sharks. It just happens and then is immediately forgotten.

Art from the DVD release.

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